[Ak47]

I've been dating this girl for about a year and a half. She's a very gracious, polite, friendly, caring, no bullcrap type girl. She does a lot of good stuff for me, scratches my back, cleans up after me from time to time (i'm very absent minded - i live in my own head), etc.

I do like her, and i care about her a lot. In fact, she is essentially my only friend, believe it or not. I do have a few other friends, but they live in a city an hour away, and have obligations just like everyone else so i only see them once or twice a month.

The big issue with my girlfriend is that she's exceptionally insecure. Commets like, "I can't do anything right," "i'm just stupid," are common language for her. Now, i'm not an exceptionally outgoing person, but i am very assertive and individualistic myself. Also, i like to think that i at least give pretty reasonable advice. Yes, i know, i know, a girl just wants someone to listen. When you've listened to the same thing for a year though, it gets to be a bit monotonous. I've given her a lot of suggestions as to how to overcome her insecurity (often related to social situations). It's not that she doesn't listen, but she doesn' even TRY to change herself. Obviously change is very difficult when you're not willing to put in the effort to do it...

Yet, she is plagued by her own insecurity. She's terrified of social interaction, more or less. She's afraid to talk to strangers; i've had to speak on her behalf for many, many things when she's standing right there! While that is a bit annoying, i can handle that alone.

Unfortunately, i feel like (for the last 6 months or so) that I'M falling victim to her insecurity. She's attached to me very seriously, which combined with her insecurity is a total disaster. I can't make friends because she feels that she constantly needs my attention. [this beside the point that she disapproves of almost everyone. she's very judgemental, which i can only assume causes her to believe that everyone else is judgemental too... only contributing to her insecurity] I'm often afraid to even just LOOK at an other women (not even any particular area!) for fear of hurting her already very sensitive self-conscious. If i just glance in the direction of another girl i often, OFTEN catch her turn her head quickly to see what i'm looking at.

I'm getting more and more fed up with her infringement in areas that i should have at least some level of liberty (making friends, having time for friends when she's not around, looking at women, or even checking out women for that matter!; i can look but not touch, right?). We do not live together, but we see eachother at least 6 days a week for a few hours or more a day. We seldom argue because i tend to be very sympathetic and easy going, but when i feel that my liberties are attacked is when there is a real problem.

We both went to hang out with a new, mutual friend (female, but TAKEN) tonight for the first time, and when we got back to my place our conversation went something like this:

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She said, "Are you really going to take her to hang out with you and the guys sometime?"

I said, "Maybe, she said she wanted to see X city anyway; she IS from california (we live in ohio). Maybe if Mike has a bon fire we'll all three go down."

She said, "Why would you want to take her to the fire with you?"

I said, "Because she's funny and she'd get along with the guys. Plus, she'd give you someone to talk to."

*she gives me snotty face* i ask why.

She said, "Well it just bothers me because you said she's funny and stuff and would get along with them but last time you didn't want to take me."

I said, "Hunny, the last time i took you you said you didn't have any fun at all, you said you were uncomfortable the whole time. If i take you and you're not having fun, i feel like i have to entertain you and then i don't get to visit with my friends and it degrades the experience for the both of us. If she went with us you would have someone else to talk to other than me, since you're too shy to talk to my other friends. Do you know what i mean?"

She gets more angry and says, "Well it makes it seem like she's fun and i'm not."

I said, "What are you talking about you? I see you EVERY DAY. If you weren't fun at all don't you think i'd hang out with you less?"

She said, "Just drop it." then left without even saying goodbye...

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In all seriousness that is really how the conversation went down. Does anyone else see a problem here? I don't know what i should do. If i take a break from her that potentially means that neither of us would have any friends. There is our new friend, but i'd let her have her if it really came down to our deciding anything like that, more or less. I would hate to make her lonely, and i'm a deathly lonely person myself to begin with. However, i also do not feel i can effectively make friends with her breathing over my shoulder with jealousy and judging everyone i meet behind their backs (i can't believe she hasn't said anything about our "new friend" yet, honestly).

Any suggestions or advice?