Chad, you said
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how am I to know for sure if this is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life or not?
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Honestly, I think you will need to live the rest of your life with the understanding that you could come to this place again, if you don't show up differently within your life. What you've been doing in the past, obviously, didn't work -- and this is where it got you. So you're going to need to do some things differently. Or chances are, you may escape it for awhile, but it will be back. Or perhaps not. However, in your shoes, I'd want to learn all of the skills to keep myself in the 'happy place' that there are. So I would
NEVER be in this place again.
It takes a big commitment to one's self to really want to change. Some people, however, are committed to being broken, so others can take care of them, can feel sorry for them. I know some people like that. I have an ex-friend who has spent decades trying to prove to others that she is broken because they broke her. So they will feel badly and take care of her. I understand why she goes down that path, but there is soooo much suffering in proving yourself right in such a way. I'd rather NOT do that. It just to me seems like such a waste. But it is definately her path; almost a calling. It has colored her entire life, and if you speak to her about it she is soooo needy. She has many times tried to convince me that she is powerless in her afflictions -- and because she believes it is so, for her it is so.
Personally, I do my best to choose differently. You can too, Blessings from Belle,
