This might be a bit disjointed - I'm trying to remember something I read long ago... In "
The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, he wrote a bit about how depression is actually a healthy response to growth... it's a period of grieving (? If I'm remembering correctly); you're growing, and you're leaving behind this 'old you'. That whole book was perfect for me when I read it, it really spoke to me. I haven't re-read it since my 'awakening', so I don' t know how it would read now but it might be something to look into.