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Originally Posted by Keith  So I was hoping someone here could help me - how do you mentally 'deprogram' things that are perceived by your subconscious as threats that are holding you back? |
I don't have time to read Eby's stuff right now, but I'll tell you what works for me. And it is a quick process, especially once you get used to using it.
The key is learning to recognize when you're acting from those subconscious "programs." I do it by paying attention to my emotions and my "gut feelings." If I'm about to enter a situtation and I feel nervous, I don't dismiss it--I acknowledge that nervousness. Then I stop and try to figure out what the message is behind it.
Why am I nervous? And it's inevitably because my subconscious is telling me something like, "These people aren't going to accept you because you're totally uncool," or "You might lose everything in this deal, and will die broke," or "Your art is too weird and people will laugh at it."
The subconscious doesn't analyze. Once certain messages are programmed into it, they don't evolve unless they are forced to--either by hard experience or conscious effort. The subconscious is perfectly content to keep sending out the same familiar messages, wrong and limiting and self-defeating as they may be.
If you got bullied a lot at school, your subconscious will keep telling you to expect bullying and rejection long after your school days are over. If you've grown up with no contact with people of a certain race or culture--save the negative portrayals of them on TV and in movies--you'll expect the worst from real, live members of those groups when you finally do encounter them. If your parents had negative, defeatist subconscious attitudes toward money, and you grew up seeing those in action, you'll probably end up with those same attitudes.
I was the kid who was bullied in school, and got no help whatsoever from teachers or even my parents. So my subconscious told me to expect rejection, harassment and persecution. It told me that authority figures didn't care and couldn't be trusted or relied upon, so I had to fight all my battles on my own--and that there would always be battles. These subconscious patterns, needless to say, didn't help me as a young adult.
The way I got past those ideas (and many others) was to pay attention to what I was feeling and look for the subconscious idea behind it. Sometimes I'd be unaccountably angry or belligerent--then realize that my subconscious was telling me to expect a fight, even when there was no outward evidence that such a thing was going to happen. I'd get all in a lather just walking in the door of my bank when there was something wrong on my statement, or if I had to return a piece of clothing to a store--my subconscious told me, "You're going to meet with resistance! Stand your ground!"
Simply becoming aware of those subconscious messages and the responses they provoke is a huge step. Because in that moment of awareness, I can say, "No, that's
wrong--I don't need to fight anymore," or "No, that's
wrong--I'm funny and interesting, and if I go talk to people they will see that and like me," or "No, that's
wrong--most people really are trustworthy and decent," or "No, that's wrong--I probably won't lose my shirt on this deal, and if I do I can always find a way to make more money. I'll be fine."
By bringing those subconscious messages into conscious awareness, I can expose them for the self-defeating programming they are, then make a conscious decision to replace them with something better. I boldfaced that because from my experience that's really all there is to it.