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Originally Posted by lightthecandle  I've wasted the past 2 weeks when I should be studying for my finals that are coming up. I just can't get over the fact that she might not graduate . |
Why are you making this your problem? It's not your problem; it's hers.
If she doesn't graduate, it's not the end of the world. She can go to summer school, or if she's not yet willing to do that she can always take a GED course later. Lots of people have gone down the same path she's on, and many of them manage to get their act together once they've had time to grow up a little.
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i just want to punch her in the face and make things better.
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Oh, right--like
that's going to make anything better. And I know you don't mean it literally, but that you're putting this level of anger and negativity into the situation isn't going to help either of you.
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Its making me depressed beyond belief
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No, it's not.
That's not to say I don't believe you are depressed--obviously you are, and obviously you're in a lot of pain. I'm not a shrink, but given your persistently negative, self-defeating, drama-laden posts I have little doubt you are suffering from clinical depression.
If you're seeing a therapist for it, you really need to bring this stuff up with them. If you're not getting professional help, by all means
get it. But blaming your sister's actions for your depression doesn't cut it.
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I was never the supportive sister, or the cool, confident, smart older sister she could look up to. Rather I was demeaning towards her, direct the world's anger on her, and call her a whole slew of bad words..
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And yet here you are, blaming her for driving you "insane" and making you depressed. How is that
not demeaning toward her?
Okay, maybe you weren't as good a sister as you could have been before--I understand; I was angry when I was young, and thus was pretty crappy to my own younger sister. But you can decide to start being a better sister
now. You can decide to be supportive
now--and that doesn't mean being a doormat, or approvng of everything she does; it just means loving her and being there to help when she's finally ready to make a change.
Stop wallowing in guilt over what you didn't do, and start thinking about what you can do to change the situation as it exists right now. If it's really bad, it's not going to be fixed overnight; you may go for a long time before seeing a change. But instead of focusing on everything that's
so horrible in her life, and how she's making your life
so horrible, start looking for what you love about her and act from that. Stop blaming her behavior for your feelings. Stop blaming yourself for her behavior--she's made her own choices.