 passion over my head, I am in deep trouble!
I’m entering an unfamiliar field of BOYS and I can’t help but laugh at myself. My actions and choices don’t make sense. Passion over my head. What am I doing? Why can’t I stop and think things through?
I guess this is what being 20 is about. It’s wonderful. Anything is allowed.
Everywhere I go, a new guy asks me on a date. I never had that much attention before.
For now I am interested in two guys: Ben and Greg.
Ben is a sweetheart. He told me that he is in love with me. I met him a long time ago and we haven’t been in touch for a while so it is strange to hear these words. All I know is that I feel really comfortable around him, he is such an open, trusting person. I love his energy. He is the type of guy I can rely on, can call him a friend, and know that he truly care about me. When we spend time together I have this cool feeling inside my chest. But he doesn’t give me passionate butterflies.
That is where Greg comes in. I knew that I am attracted to him the minute I saw him at a drum circle. I like him so much! I can’t get enough of him.
He is 30, I am 20. He is very open about his intentions. He told me: I am interested in having multiple sexual relationships with woman and I am not ready for commitment with either of them. I am not the only girl he is seeing, but for now he enjoys me the most because I am new.
We mostly have sex. He is a wonderful partner! I had so many new experiences with him – like having intense energy rushing through my spinal cord all the way to the top of my head. My whole body was shaking for a few minutes, I don’t’ even know what that was – an orgasm?
I enjoy the sex a lot. But something tells me that this is not fully right. I feel that when Greg looks at me, all he sees is a sexual object. He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t care about listening to my thoughts, talking to me on the phone, getting to know my personality, spending time together. He is using me to satisfy his ego and sexual desires.
Last night he told me that he is aware that I have strong feeling for him. The way I look at him definitely turns him on, but it doesn’t match his intentions.
Passion over my head. I am in deep trouble: I have such strong feelings for this guys. And he is an open jerk and confident about it. I feel that what I truly want is a relationship, not sex partner and he will not give this to me. I don’t need false hopes and I don’t need to get hurt. But how do I say no when my body is screaming YES! Can't I just enjoy the sex and forget everything else?
And anyways why is it that it’s the bad guys that attract us?
Love,
Leela  |