How do you decide if a certain relationship is worth working on and sticking around for or letting go?
I recently broke off with a friend. She was a source of quite a bit of stress for me for more than a year. Actually, stuff had been going on ever since I got to know her (6 years ago) and with time it just kept getting worse and I didn't pay that much attention to it, or got over it until about 2 years ago.
She is very caring of the people she is close to. We were supposedly close friends. I know she cared about me and I did too. But I did not feel very close to her because of the way she interacted. I could trust her with almost anything, she isn't the kind to disappoint you.
However, she always wanted to have the control of every situation. Even things like when I introduce MY boyfriend to my friends when she doesn't want to introduce her boyfriend to friends until she is sure the guy is the one. I am not a dominating person but I can not stand someone trying to dominate me. She is also very sarcastic and witty to the extent that I felt insulted. She is one of those people who know what to say to shut the other person up or just turn the discussions/fights around to blame the other person. She also is very judgmental and once she thinks of something, it is not easy to change her opinion. It was fun when that came with half-accurate information that she based her wrong assumptions on, about me. Then, she failed to listen to me while I tried to explain what actually was going on. And to top it all, it was always difficult talking to her heart-to-heart because she always protects herself against situations where people could talk to her like that, except for a few people and I am not one of those.
Anyways, I know that if I weren't as angry at the way things were and if her ego did not take over her ability to understand what I was saying about MY life and why it was so bad a while ago, we could have saved this friendship. We broke off while trying to discuss why I stopped talking to her. I was angry in the beginning because of her sarcastic comments. Then we both calmed down and then things took a downward turn. She said some things that I am extremely angry about and can not get over, just yet.
I want to know where you guys draw the line between saving a relationship and letting it go. The way I see it, I know I could have saved it. However, I have no wishes to do that anymore. Where should the line be drawn, anyway?
I guess I am ok if you guys tell me what you think I might have done wrong. The people who know about this know it through me and know about her through me, so they are all biased. And the one person who is in between us (poor her) can't really do that just yet, neither am I ready to hear that from her.
One last point, I am learning to be a bit more assertive. So, all of this feels good. I feel good about taking this stance. I AM working on my life to change it around and I am doing better. But I could be using that assertiveness as aggression. May be I need to practice it enough to find the right balance.
Thanks for reading
