[lease26]

Im new to this whole forum thing... Hi everyone.

Ill get into why it is im posting... I have been with my bf dor a little over 2 years now. The first year was magic! Ive never felt this connection with anyone before in my life. I honestly feel as though this is one of those relationships you find once in a lifetime. And from what him and I have talked about he feels the same. When we first got together we saw alot of eachother... we worked together and i dont have my license so he ended up giving me rides to and from, and we worked about the same shifts. 5 months in he got his own house on a piece of land that his mother gave to him and he asked me to move in. So i did. We never really discussed the whole playing house sorta deal, mortgage, bills, oil... so money has always been something we tend to argue about.
I left the job and it took me awhile to find another one, only to realize that i shouldnt have left the 1st one so i came back. After the point things started to become stressful and we fought more and more. But all in all we were both trying to make things work because well we both love eachother very much and cant imagine life without one another. After i came back it was only a few months before some changes were done to the staffing... alot of people were let go and then people who were there went up a level... he became a supervisor making it a conflict of intertest for me to stay there. If i had never quit in the first place then i could have stayed but when i came back i had to take a lower position. So i had to be let go.
They hired younger high school girls to replace the ones who were fired and well things continuesly got worse for us. He started talking about how he felt trapped in life, not just our relationship but in his entire life he felt like he was stuck... how he didnt know if he wanted a relationship anymore but at the same time he didnt want to lose me. He kept saying he was torn. And me still feeling as though nothing could come between us didnt really hear what it was he was trying to say to me. So he ended up cheating on me. To make that part of the story short. And that was it we were over. I was completely devasted. I thought i would never get over it... we live together, and well i wasnt making enough to move out right away and going back to mom's wasnt something i could do... (I would have but she didnt have the room) So it was painful, i had to still live with him i moved to the couch and put all my belongings in the spare bedroom and i tried to be gone most of the time. But it hurt when he didnt come home and i knew he was with another girl.
After a few months of this him and i started discussing problems that we had never really given our full attention to and really started getting closer than we were before. We werent back together yet but it was obvious that he still loved and cared for me, he always said sorry for what was happening he didnt intend on hurting me he was just confused. He stopped sleeping with other girls and although we werent a "couple" to say... things were feeling like it was going to go back in that direction... so all seems good and i was slowly starting to get over what had happened. He has never lied to me so trusting him has never really been difficult.
Then when everything appears to be looking up... im pregnant. I only slept with one other person while we were apart... but it was back towards the begining and we used protection. So the baby is his. About a month after we found out he asked if i wanted to give things another try. We both kind of saw this as a sign that maybe we were supposed to end up together. Its hard to explain, but we both asked for a sign, something anything to show us if we were meant to be together a week before i took the pregnancy test... and neither one of us knew that the other prayed the same thing around the same time until after i found out. So i figured it was worth giving things another try. It just hasnt been easy... with all the extra feelings and hormones im having right now and his busy work schedual and his new best friends who happen to be girls that he slept with while we were apart.. its hard to take all at once. What happened hurt so bad, ive never felt pain like that before. Ive been trying really hard to not assume things and to not be overly paranoid but i do slip up occasionally. Its just the stress of being pregnant and the stress that he deals with on a daily basis im worried that he will just give up because its to much. Im afraid that ive put all this effort into a relationship thats doomed. I love him with my entire soul... the connection between us is unbelievable we both can feel eachothers feelings before we even see one another. We can finsih eachothers sentences without thinking. And we both fit so perfectly into one another that it would seem stupid not to fight for this. But latley he doesnt seem happy, he seems distant agian, and hes never been good at talking about whats bothering him. Ive tried taking as much of the stress load off of him as i can so he no longer dreads coming home. but still im worried that hes having second thoughts.
I dont want to stay together just because we are having a child. thats no reason to be together it would make both of us unhappy ad would not be good for our baby... I want to be with him because he makes me proud to be myself, because the good times we have our the best ive ever experienced and because he is the only man who has ever treated me with love and respect. I dont want to lose him, any suggestions or maybe some insights...