 It's really quite easy
I know the reason,
I've asked people what they though, respected, and have been nice. This leads to a life of being taken advantage of, and disrespect.
A doormat if you will.
As an avid reader of Stephen Covey and Dale Carnegie you often come across that when you give respect you get respect. This isn't always true. Especially, because people don't interpret what you do as respect. If you try to please people because you are nice they ultimately believe they have control over you. That you are pleasing them because they are better... etc.
Ahem. So why are men jerks?
It's nice to be polite, to ask people how they feel, what is their feeling. But if you do it and people will start to think you are indecisive and weak. They will begin to take control because they already you are going to ask them what to do... and probably just do it anyways.
Why men particularly?
It's because society has modeled men to be the strong leaders of society. to make the decisions and to be the domineering one. If a woman overtakes this spot, the man will feel threatened, and will do anything to reclaim that spot.
It's all simple psychology really.
I'll give you a personal example. I have a female roommate. I used to be a nice guy, generally very caring about all people.... I love animals and young kids. I get along with guys great because I'm smart enough to feed their ego. I get along terribly with women because they view me as indecisive. My female roommate in particular had very particular things that she did to piss me off. She thought I was incapable because I always asked her opinion on things (I thought i was being nice and including her in the group). But the way she ended up interpreting it is my need for her opinion to do things. To ask her OK on everything etc. Ultimately, our relationship sucked and she thought of me as a tool.
But then... I watch my other roomate. He's a total douche.
He orders her around, he makes her do things all the time. When she does something wrong he makes fun of her for it. These are things I generally don't do because I respect people. But she respects him more, and if she needs help will always go to him instead of me. Why? Because he's a jerk and likes to push people around. Some people like it.
So this is why some men are jerks. Because they get away with it. And we feel we have to or else we will lose face... And acting nice gets you nowhere sometimes. With certain people yes. With others you become a doormat.
Pick and choose who you are nice with. I've learned from my experiences. Some people treat jerks really well to gain favor with them. that is why being an jerk is reinforced  |