thanks everyone - you all are awesome!
I think what got triggered is awareness of my shadow self. Parts of me I forgot to claim as me and as such I put it outside of me in denial. I start to think to say I'm a LW is also to claim my DW side or I can't make the ideas work for me - in which case I'm not following the ideas "properly" or not actually polarizing. It drives me nuts to try to be polarized - it feels like fracturing my self.
If the goal is to feel integrated, as Steve suggests or what was his word - congruent. hmm... I see getting there by taking all parts of me together. If I try to be a DW I ignore and deny the part of me that cares for others (or it gets complicated that, ok, DWs can care about others under certain conditions). If try to be LW, I ignore and deny that which focuses on myself. Then why have a approach that makes me do that? Makes me deny part of me? Of coarse I have it wrong if these ideas are of value, right?
Anyway, I can't really think in these terms. I need to think of being whole and integrated, without trying to understand why I should have "service to me" or "service to other" motives. I must be having some string reactions to the ideas out of seeing it in terms of the psychological theories of projection and denial actually being accentuated by "polarization".
And, for those that get it. It must be something other that what I think it is. Or it really about seeing the light and darkworking is part of the path.
Originally I had posted a rant that was pretty harsh. I was lashing out at myself as seeing DW traits in me and how probably most of us are like that to some degree because of being in this world/society that treats and educates people to think we can control nature or conquer it, that we must compete to survive. And I see all that as what a DW is being defined as, and I see that in me and I don't like that. That DW is kind of immature - because with immaturity comes selfishness, disregard for others, taking etc... But now, why reject all that? is it not healthier to accept what you are and bring it into your awareness as part of you - otherwise a LW will be projecting the shadow self and keeping it alive as denail/"other" and see it in others as something to judge.
anyway, I don't what to spin that up again right now. which I already have to some degree. But one more thing, isn't it that what our egos are and how feeling separate must be part of the DW/LW ideas somehow?
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