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Lisa BRB100 · 04-30-2008, 02:18 PM

Wow, MissACT, reading your story makes me feel like deja-vu! It sounds exactly like something that would have happened to me with my mom - and it is the reason I discovered your post just today (I've had it with my mom and did a web search on "dealing with difficult parents" and you popped up!).

Eva raises a great point. It is hard to see things from another's point of view, especially if your parent has been uncommunicative about her true feelings. You did have the best intentions, but probably should have talked them through first. Eva's advice is good, the bottom line is you have to lay your feelings out and let her do the same before anything will change for the future. Believe me, it will only get worse if you don't do it now. I wish you luck MissACT, try to be happy and focus on the positive in your new life as a bride.

My story is different yet similar - I grew up in California. Moved East as soon as I got out of college. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my mom was focused on her own life, friends, remarriage for the most part while I was growing up. I never felt like I had conversations with her, more just directives, "constructive" criticisms, etc... and of course that turned me into an over-acheiver. I have tried to get past that and start my own life, I'm successful in my career, married with two kids. I moved on, but then the baggage resurfaced.

Wouldn't you know, she and my step-father moved East a few years back. Now I must deal with frequent visits where they stay at my house for weeks at a time, I must buy all the groceries then make their meals after working all day, and deal with the myraid of "stuff" they bring (suitcases, yard sale finds, their own towels and pillows because mine "smell strange"). They complain that the house isn't clean enough, the dog barks too much, they need to "borrow" batteries for their camera (every time???), can I stop and get bottled water because my tap water "tastes funny"...

When they are not visiting, they call but never ask how we are doing, just drone on and on about their lives, and never cease to mention things like, "by the way, tomorrow is your grandmother's birthday, did you send a card?" Did I mention I'm 42?!? The reminders and listening to their burdens only add to my own list of responsibilities, and I'm tired. I can't take it and afraid I'm going to blow!

I ask for advice on two fronts: one, how can I confront my mom and stepdad without being confrontational (is an email taking the coward's way out)? and two, am I destined for history to repeat itself by becoming Momzilla to my 11 year old daughter?

Thanks, and sorry to hijack your thread, MissACT.

04-30-2008, 02:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lisa BRB100 Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1	Wow, MissACT, reading your story makes me feel like deja-vu! It sounds exactly like something that would have happened to me with my mom - and it is the reason I discovered your post just today (I've had it with my mom and did a web search on "dealing with difficult parents" and you popped up!). Eva raises a great point. It is hard to see things from another's point of view, especially if your parent has been uncommunicative about her true feelings. You did have the best intentions, but probably should have talked them through first. Eva's advice is good, the bottom line is you have to lay your feelings out and let her do the same before anything will change for the future. Believe me, it will only get worse if you don't do it now. I wish you luck MissACT, try to be happy and focus on the positive in your new life as a bride. My story is different yet similar - I grew up in California. Moved East as soon as I got out of college. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my mom was focused on her own life, friends, remarriage for the most part while I was growing up. I never felt like I had conversations with her, more just directives, "constructive" criticisms, etc... and of course that turned me into an over-acheiver. I have tried to get past that and start my own life, I'm successful in my career, married with two kids. I moved on, but then the baggage resurfaced. Wouldn't you know, she and my step-father moved East a few years back. Now I must deal with frequent visits where they stay at my house for weeks at a time, I must buy all the groceries then make their meals after working all day, and deal with the myraid of "stuff" they bring (suitcases, yard sale finds, their own towels and pillows because mine "smell strange"). They complain that the house isn't clean enough, the dog barks too much, they need to "borrow" batteries for their camera (every time???), can I stop and get bottled water because my tap water "tastes funny"... When they are not visiting, they call but never ask how we are doing, just drone on and on about their lives, and never cease to mention things like, "by the way, tomorrow is your grandmother's birthday, did you send a card?" Did I mention I'm 42?!? The reminders and listening to their burdens only add to my own list of responsibilities, and I'm tired. I can't take it and afraid I'm going to blow! I ask for advice on two fronts: one, how can I confront my mom and stepdad without being confrontational (is an email taking the coward's way out)? and two, am I destined for history to repeat itself by becoming Momzilla to my 11 year old daughter? Thanks, and sorry to hijack your thread, MissACT.