Dear Faye,
I read through all the posts and I just want to give you a bit of support.
I can tell from what you wrote that you seem to be a very sensitive, kind and lovely person.
Unfortunately, the way you describe your boyfriend, he doesn't seem nice at all, but very manipulative, controlling, selfish, uncaring: not the type of person that deserves your love. Again, this is my perception from what you wrote and how you wrote.
Someone else would feel glad and blessed to have you to love him and care so much about his happiness. There is someone out there who will make you feel loved and valuable, just because you are you, who won't make demands on you to go to the gym or so on.
Some people brandish polyamoury as a "get out of jail" card, so they can get out of a relationship without caring about the person they are in a relationship with. It takes a very mature, responsible, loving person to make polyamoury work, so that everyone is happy.
I understand your wish to be "open" and cool about it, but if it is not in your nature to be with many different persons at the same time and feel o.k to have your boyfriend sleeping with other people, than there is a lot of misery at the end of the tunnel.
You can wrap your brain around things, and intellectually understand them, but it is hard to wrap your heart around something that is not part of your core values and beliefs.
Just my 2 cents.
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