lagerk, I am proud of you for seeking advice on this. It shows your deep belief in doing the right thing and doing it correctly. You may be too young yet to really be able to completely understand on the deepest levels how imporant some of the advice being given here is. When you are older you will say "I now understand what that 'really' meant." You are right, what's done is done. All you can do now is take these issues more seriously. Committing to a woman is the most important thing you will ever do. You have to consider everything. robc is absolutely correct in most everything he/she said. Please re-read his/her post. There is a lot of valuable, wide reaching information in that small post. Understanding your part in it all, is crucial. You can't just blame her. You also have to know that society has ingrained in us to take the easy way out of everything. Nothing truly important and meaningful in our lives comes easily. Anything worthwhile has to be worked for. A relationship/marriage is probably what this concept is most importantly applied to. That being said, people grow apart, some relationships just naturally come to an end. You are not married to her. If you ultimately realize that it isn't going to work, you need to end it. BUT before you end the relationship, you have take a good hard look at yourself, your actions, what you do or don't do that is crucial to the relationship. Are you taking her for granted? Are you supportive of her? Are you unconditionally accepting of her for WHO she IS, flaws and all? Do you treat her with the utmost respect? Why are you pessimistic with her? It could be that she is mirroring back some of how you treat her. Problems you are having could be her emotional responses to your actions. I am saying MAYBE that is the case. Although, it is never one sided. It is imperative that you love and respect her beyond yourself and even more imperative that you unconditionally love and accept her for who she IS. If you love her selflessly, you will go out of your way to meet her needs. She has to know that you unconditionally accept and love her for who she IS. You have to go out of your way to show that you love her and to show her that she IS important. It is imperative that she knows that her needs, her feelings, her dreams, etc are important to YOU. I can't stress that enough. IMPERATIVE!! Because, she will not only mirror that back to you, it will make her FEEL loved more than any other woman in the world. What this does is unite the both of you in a way that is the foundation for a wonderful, solid relationship. When you are both confident that you each love, respect, accept eachother completely for who you are, you then will be able to trust in the relationship to be yourself, be vulnerable, be the authentic you and will be able to LET her help you become the best man you can be. Because you are lifted up and supported in a fantastic place by her, you will in turn be able to help her be her authentic self and help her to become the best woman she can be. If you can achieve that, you will be immensely happy. She is only human you know. She is bound to make mistakes, anger you, etc. Remember, you will (and probably do) do all kinds of things that bug her, irritate her, upset her. What you have to do is remember why you love and respect her and why she is important to you. OK, I've gotten pretty deep here. What I am trying to say is take a good hard look at you, what you do, etc... Admit your fault wherever you find it. Decide if you can change that aspect of yourself to become a better man and mate. Forgive her for her shortcomings and love her anyway. AND, do everything possible to try to fix the problem before bailing out of the relationship. If you do this now and in every relationship you are in, you will be able to more fully commit to someone and NEVER give up trying when you finally do marry someone. That is the ultimate goal for dating isn't it?  |