It sounds like what you're complaining is lacking is excitement and stimulation, sexual and otherwise, right? If your communication was better, if you were having more fun, possibly your attraction would increase?
Well, it's not her, it's you. What I mean is, if something is missing that would make a difference, you have the ability to generate it, and that will always be true in every relationship you find yourself in. Since you love each other and don't seem to be inclined to end it, why not try generating something new in your relationship?
There are many ways to go about this. First thing: talk about what's missing, what would make a difference, and what you're willing to generate. Maybe she has got something going on that you don't know about that is having her be emotionally removed. Explore her -- listen to her! See what she feels is missing, what she feels willing to generate. It might be a great time for you to brainstorm about a new activity you can participate in together that will have you excited about each of your own lives, and your life together (dancing? beach volleyball? rock climbing? something that gets your heart beating faster.)
I also highly recommend doing the
Landmark Forum and Advanced Course together. I had so much fun in there watching couples make incredible breakthroughs in love, romance, intimacy and sex (I didn't watch the sex!
)
One of the biggest turn-ons, though, is being generously listened to. If I were you, I would make that my biggest priority. You might find a third, unknown alternative that each of you, on your own, has not thought of or is avoiding out of fear of confronting the other. You might find you're both ready for separate apartments, or to not be monogamous, or something else entirely.
And by the way, what's all this talk about marriage? The OP never said anything about marriage.
