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Originally Posted by WRX AJT  2) Could she honestly be confused about really liking me and yet still loving her ex?
3) *Just throwing this out here* Does she think that I'm too good for her?
Once again, thank you to everyone for giving me some insight... |
She could definitely be confused about what she wants.
It happens to men & women, we think we know what we want, we get it and then we're not so sure anymore that what we have is really what we want.
Especially in relationships, people leave one relationship to get another one but if they don't really change the person they are before entering a new relationship, if they don't determine the things they did (not their partner) to cause problems in the relationship, they will just repeat the same mistakes and cause the same problems in their next relationship.
That's the problem with most relationships.
People will drop one partner to get with another one because they think the new partner will represent a new beginning and way to start fresh & new without any problems from their past relationship. That doesn't work though.
We can't control our partners, we can only control ourselves. When we try to control our partners, it causes conflict. We should only be worried about controlling our own actions.
I don't think you did anything wrong telling her to stop smoking pot.
You gave her a choice, If she wants to be with you, she would quit smoking.
If she doesn't want to be with you, she can continue smoking and not be with you. You are controlling your life and your environment by saying this is what I want in my life, you can be with me if you want to stop smoking.
She had control of her actions, you aren't forcing her to be with you. Quite the opposite, you gave her a choice, continue her old life but without you, or change her pot smoking habit and be with you. You didn't force her to do anything.
If she wants to be with her ex BF, let her. You can't control her and force her to be with you and technically you wouldn't want to either. If you have to control someone and force them to be with you, how much benefit do you get out of that. If love isn't given freely, it's worth nothing.
Let her choose who she wants to be with, set standards for yourself so that only the person you want to be with will be in your life. Don't control her, let her be as she is. If she wants to be with you, she will change and here's the catch, she won't change for you, she will change for herself, to make herself better not for you but for herself.
And for yourself, be the best you can be for you. Not for her or anyone else.
Take care of yourself first, be the best you can be for you and in your next relationship. Do what you can to make the next relationship a great one. When you can do that, you will experience true happiness and no regrets. Remember, you did it for yourself and no one else.
p.s. I don't think she thinks that you are too good for her but then again we're trying to assume someone else's thoughts so there really is no way of finding that out (unless you speak with her).
If you want, ask her out for coffee, just to talk and don't leave any questions unanswered, be honest, put the relationship aside. No fighting, arguing, just find out what happened, be honest about your feelings and what you thought and ask her to do the same. If she doesn't agree to do this, again, you can't control her, you can only control you and you'll probably get the answers you were looking for, one way or the other.
Good Luck!