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Originally Posted by JimOfferman  How would not living together before marriage change any of that?
I don't think there is a problem with people getting out of bad relationships - if the ship is sinking, head for the life rafts! What is slightly troubling, though, is the number of that people choose to abandon ship at the first sign of engine trouble. |
When you leave a relationship because it has gone bad, one thing you don't take into account is that your involvement in that relationship caused it to go bad. Regardless of what your spouse did (unless they are abusive, and even in some of those cases, repair is possible) you control your actions. You can't control your spouses actions, you can only control your own. When you judge people based on their actions, that means you base your love for that person based on those actions instead of basing your love for that person because of the person they are. Do you love the person your with or do you love the things they do for you?
It's like people who have relationship crisis' or mid life crisis' and feel that they have to drop everything they currently have and go for something new.
The problem is that doesn't work. You buy a new house, you buy a new car, you get a new spouse, you get a different job, in the end, the common denominator that never changes is you.
Everyone has a tough time wrapping their head around that concept. You can change everything & everyone in your life by dropping what you have and going for new but the problem is, if you don't ever change the kind of person you are, you will still run in the same problems down the line. The only thing that is staying constant is you.
And leaving a relationship when it's bad instead of attempting to work on the issues and making it better is a bad thing. You set up a pattern of behavior with yourself that goes like this, when times get tough, I move on. I won't stick it out, I've left before, I can leave again, and I will leave again. Nothing's wrong with me, it's the world around me that needs to change. People who do this are not very successful.
Want proof? Divorce rates are very high. First time divorce rates are just over 50%. 2nd & 3rd time divorce rates are even higher. Reason being, once you leave one relationship, you are bound to do it again, you've set a pattern of behavior whether you realize it or not and you will repeat it again when times get tough. And you will repeat it again even faster because you will repeat your mistakes faster and you won't stick around as long for the relationship to get as bad as the last one, so on & so forth.
Sorry bro, that's not me making the rules, that's science & human nature.
You think it doesn't have an effect on the world around you?
Look at the amount of people suffering mental illnesses like depression nowadays. Instead of fixing their problems, they run away from them, pop some meds to feel better and continue their patterns of behavior without looking inward to solve their problems. Look at crime rates, look at how prolific drug abuse is, teenage pregnancy, teen violence, child abuse, children affected by divorce, etc, etc, etc. Do you think none of this has some cause or is it all random but on an increasing trend? We set patterns of behavior, we run away from our problems, if you're married and have kids and do this, you setup the example for your kids to do the same, they have no other way to do things, they learn from their parents. And the cycle keeps repeating itself over & over again and no one stops to wonder why.
No one wants to fix relationships anymore.
We've set up a pattern of behavior of leaving people behind, fighting people without getting resolution, hurting people instead of helping people, no one knows the value of committment anymore, society is about taking advantage of people.
This is a very big problem, people need to look at it from a different, wider perspective and see how this affects everyone.