I probably should have given more background information about my car situation if it was going to be brought up like this...
my car's alternator went and I had to fix the power steering pump too. I couldn't afford to get it done in the shop so I did it myself instead. I'm very good at finding ways to make space for myself these days, the last handful being the exception because I was sorting out my car's issues
going to the park nearby has been the best medicine but I've also been spending a lot of time in bookstores and over at a friend's house. now that my car is up and running again, I think I'm going to be doing a lot better. My mental sanity degraded A LOT this last week because I had no connection to healthy reality. I wish I had taken more sanity time but the anxiety from not being able to go any where really got to me. I unfortunately participated in a fair amount of negativity with my partner. But now that my main worry is out of the way, I can finally breathe fresh air again. Everything depended on my car being fixed - my plans to leave and my ability to get space for myself.
That sucks and I wish I could've handled it better. But now things are a LOT clearer after exercising my freedom to drive again. I feel like I have no control over my life when I'm stuck at home because this relationship is a totally different frequency than where my head is at.
I've been reminded that I really do have full control over my life. I feel silly that I needed the security of having a working car though.
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