[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Taikin

Hi all,

I'm very interested in the notion of self-contentment. I don't have it, along with maybe 98% of people, and my best friend does so I fully appreciate that it does exist, but that it's extremely rare (he's the only person I've met who I know really is content with himself).

what is it you want? is self-contentment like self-acceptance?

Now from what I've read the typical PD way of attaining self-contentment is to cultivate a positive self-image through NLP and, supposedly, once you have this positive self-image you become self-content.
Herein lies the problem...

self-content must be the same thing as positive self-image, don't you think? It's not one leads to the other, they come together.

I feel I already have a positive self-image, and always have had such an image. In my head I see myself as walking confidently, with good posture, and my voice sounds good and my skin complexion is reasonable and so on and so on - you get the idea. It's a flattering self-image.

But inevitably I see photos of myself and videos of myself from time to time, I see reflections in the mirror on days when the lighting in my room is quite brutal - I see hard, objective evidence of how I really walk, stand, speak, look and none of it reflects my positive self-image. The reality of the way I am is by no means terrible, but it falls short of what I think I am.

what is it you want? to look good? or feel good about yourself (which has little to do with how you look, just your reaction to how you look)?

It's a healthy self-image (and it's by no means deluded) but it's useless, even indirectly hurtful, when reality debunks it. How can a person find self-contentment with this sort of positive self-image work? Should I use some other means to gain self-contentment (and if so, does anyone have any suggestions about this other means?).

reality isn't debunking it, you are. you are judging what is, even though you also say it's a healthy self-image.

Oh, and if anyone's further interested I've written an article about the elusive goal of self-content on my blog here

Thanks for reading, and for any thoughts you have to offer.

Claim your flaws as part of you. The shadow self is what we deny and try to put outside of ourselves. Instead we can look at what we judge as not a good self-image and make it ours and we become whole and self-accepting. I think once one accepts their full being, there's no need to worry about positive self-image or self-contentment because accepting kind of makes those judgments unnecessary. You won't be trying to build up a self image because you accept what is your image now. You won't be wondering if you are happy with yourself either, because you accept what yourself is.


Go for self-acceptance.