yes I do tend to use guy's attraction as a way to have a lot of attention and intensity and get them to talk about things that interest me, and then when I've run through the depth of our shared interests I very quickly don't want them anymore, and it almost feels like doing the same/reverse thing some guys do- using a woman's emotional/intellectual interest to have her physically then when he's done he doesn't want her anymore and never cared about her intellect- I want a man's emotions/intellect/life story and use his physical attraction to get it from him, and then when I've had what I wanted I'm done with it and throw him away unfulfilled and confused.
I think part of it is just laziness- guys approach me quite regularly just to introduce themselves and chat and act interested, but they don't seem to approach me and put the same effort into it to just be friends, and I have a hard time doing the approaching because I'm very shy. The fact that I tend to let people approach me results in having a lot of male friends and no female friends- I don't know how to have a normal give-and-take and intimacy in a friendship with another woman.
There have been quite a few times when I've said I'm not looking for a relationship, they say ok but lets be friends anyway, and then continue to have a weird wanting-more dynamic that eventually comes up again and it doesn't seem to matter what I've said- I think there's more to it than just saying "I'm not looking for a relationship" once at the start and then continuing as I would've. I had one guy, a friend for like a year with some weird ambiguous moments of flirtation in the beginning, I got into this other happy long term relationship which he knew about, yet still one day I got a long rambling voicemail telling me he loved me and respected me and had an arranged marriage- kept repeating "I can't go against my family". It was so out-of-the-blue to me, like I'd been just school-friends and tutor to him for months while he knew my boyfriend (also in school with us) and then one day got this voicemail and didn't call him back about it and that was the last time I heard from him
Another guy I met up after fun internet conversations, told him awkwardly repeatedly from first meeting that I just wasn't attracted but wanted to be friends, after a few fun conversations and meeting up he called me and said we should start dating and he liked me etc etc, I said no no no I'm sorry no, he didn't call me back and wouldn't answer when I tried to call him- so frustrating because I was thinking he'd've been a nice friend.