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Originally Posted by kxk56  I am sorry that you are having such experience with friends. If you feel that your friends don't give a damn about you - dump them. Based on your message I feel that you are caring person and all you want to have the same in return. If friends don't care about you then they don't deserve to be your friends. I believe that friendship is a 2 way road: it is not only a luxury of having a support and care from your friends but also a big responsibility. There are many people which don't realize responsibility part.. I see that you do. Find friends sharing that view.. Good luck |
Thanks, Kx. That was kinda what I was trying to say...MOST people dont seem to see friendship as a two way street with responsibilites. They just see friendship as something that just is. Something that is supposed to just be there with no work. Its kinda like a relationship in some sorts that you have to work at it.
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Originally Posted by Joukai Sometimes friends don't see what you need. I think you should start on giving more value to your friends, and expecting less in return (be reasonable of course, don't be a spineless guy).
Listen to your friends, meet up with them, have fun. Stop worrying about who calls who.
I came from a similar place to what you described, but once I stopped viewing friendship as a give & take relationship, and focused on just being a friend and giving value, my friendships have never been as strong.
It is as Steve says. You give out and it eventually comes back at you. Karma.
Just my 2$, hope it helps. |
I give plenty of value to my friends. I check up on them more than they do me. Yeah, I shouldn't worry about who contacts who, but that shows you who puts in more effort. I take my friendships very seriously (probably too much). I think friendships are a little of GIVE and TAKE. what is wrong with that? give examples of what you mean when you say "give more value to your friends."
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Originally Posted by LifeFirst You don't have friends maybe because you try too hard???
I had a friend who was like that, he always wanted me to call him, to go out with him, and he criticized everything that I did. When I didn't call him on the weekends, he got upset, and started whining. He told me he has respect for himself, I really doubt that after knowing him. He was meat hanging on a hook as far I can tell. He likes to talk, but me personally, I do care about him, but then again, I don't care what he did yesterday, or where he went, or what movie he saw. That stuff is pretty useless to me, and he would always talk about stuff like that. But then when I told him what I did, he would always criticize, which bugged the hell out of me. We made peace, and that peace is for him to remain silent, because that is the best way. |
Life, I dont always expect my friends to call nor do I criticize them the way your friend does you. Your friend sounds like the type I would not be able to stand. I hate being criticized by people, which is one reason why I am not open to new friends. People find out more about who you are and they try to exploit your weaknesses. You may not care about what he did yesterday, but if he is a friend you should care about him enough to want to know how his day went, if there were any problems and such. If you want him to remain silent, then it does not sound like much of a friendship.
Maybe, I value friendship TOO much. I had been told this when I was a child and sometimes I start to believe it now as an adult. I just feel so alone b/c I have struggled my whole life to find people who view life and friendships the way I do.