For the first time in my life, I'm finally ready to find the love of my life, my soulmate, my lifepartner, or as Angela says, create my LTMBR.
I'm 31 years old, and I had never been ready but now I'm ready. I've dated & had girlfriends for the past 11 years and I had never felt ready. I knew I wanted such a relationship at some point in the future, but it was always the future as I didn't feel ready for it. Now I feel that I want one now in the present and I'm finally ready for it.
I've just had a relationship that ended yesterday that was truly amazing, truly beautiful that allowed me to experience everything I wanted in a life time relationship. It was so beautiful and I can no longer go back to accepting less then what I had experienced, I can no longer go back to the way I used to be.
In that relationship that just ended, I experienced things for the very first time – things I had theoretically known were possible, but hadn't experienced yet. I want to go over some of them because those are things I want to incorporate into my future relationship with my soulmate/lifepartner, love of my life, and LTMBR (maybe I should use the acronym SLLL to refer to those four words together
).
- I truly loved her in a way that I've never loved a woman before. It was almost like pure love, love without strings, without demand, without fear. I spent everyday loving her and I just felt this love coming out of me and toward her, it was so amazing. I went from living a life filled with little to no love to one where I was constantly loving her.
- I felt so utterly accepted by her in all ways a human being can accept another human being, for the first time in my life. I could talk to her about things that I've never told anyone, and I could feel that she just accepted me for who I am with no judgment. Because of that I was able to open up to her so incredible much in a way I've never opened up to a woman. Nothing I could say would be judged.
- I felt she was my equal, that she was on the same wavelengths as me. Something that was a first – she just was my equal, not someone I'd have to lead, and not someone who would want to do the leading, but just my equal if that make sense. I felt she was on my intellectual level, on my personal growth level, on attraction level, just so many levels.
- I felt she completely understood me. She shared many of the same values as I did, and she shared the personality trait of introvertedness so we loved to spend hours talking about deep subject, about our personalities, about stuff that truly interested both of us. I felt for the first time with a woman (or human being for that matter) that she truly understood just about everything about me, as I felt I truly understood her as well. Anything she didn't understand about me, or I about her, we would spend hours talking or writing about it until we truly understood each other.
- I felt like she was my best friend during all this time, a first for me with a lover/girlfriend. With all other women who were my lovers and girlfriends in my life up to this one, not one was an intimate best friend whom I could share my deepest secret or even talk every single day about. I used to prefer having a girlfriend I wouldn't talk or see during the week, and only see her during the weekend. But not this time, we communicated every single days, and on most days, we'd spend several hours just talking to each other, or writing letters and our conversations were stimulating, fascinating, interesting, and exciting. She was a lover and a best friend combined in one.
- She was my partner in personal growth – she helped me grow as a person, as I helped her. We both transformed and grew through our time together. While I've grown as a man before with previous relationship, it was a one-sided thing. Here we talked about personal growth constantly, helped each other examine issues, and experienced things for our first time together.
- I felt ready to spend a long time with her - I could see spending a life with her, living with her, etc. When I'd examine it, everything looked perfect, it looked like it'd be a perfect match. It felt that way too.
However, when I'd ask my gut feeling about #7 – my gut feeling would tell me no – she's not the one to marry. Oh, how I fought my gut feeling, I didn't want to hear that answer, as I felt I wanted to spend my life with her. However, I knew what my gut feeling was saying, so I knew I couldn't move to that level until my gut and intuition was satisfied. However I still wanted to spend a long time with her.
Apparently when she'd ask her gut feeling, her gut feeling told her the same. So when a man from her past came back - the only man that she ever felt “yes” for in her gut feeling about him being her man of her life, she had to go for him. I totally accept and understand that even though I would naturally have preferred to have kept my relationship with her much longer.
As I write this post I have tears flowing down my cheek. All those things I experienced with her, I want to have with my "love of my life" relationship. I'm not willing to accept anything less then what I had these past months.
So, I just know that I'm now ready, even as I go through a brief grief stage and I cry at times, and have tears flow down my cheek at other times, I just know I'm now, for the first time in my entire life, finally ready for my soulmate, my lifepartner, my LTTBR, and the love of my life. I wanted to share that. I'm also curious on how to get this love of my life.