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Originally Posted by Plato  Wow, that's what happened to me!
I used to be a true darkworker and I met a person who was even more strongly polarised. It was like I was Darth Vader and my "friend" was the Emperor.  But, yeah, it was pretty "evil" stuff. After a year of helping each other develop we had a steadily growing number of followers. We both took daring decisions and courageously pursued out desires. I even quit uni to start a business, deeming knowledge to be no use to me! Eventually when we went separate ways I felt compelled to tell his girlfriend what a bast*rd he is. This fact is not in question. He was evil and I mean that in an entirely non-judgmental way. He really was good at getting all of his selfish desires satisfied with an efficiency and unwavering focus that I've never seen in anyone else.
I'm really unsure about what I did now but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing by "helping" his girlfriend, even though she loved him very much. Needless to say we haven't spoken at all since. He didn't even feel the need to take revenge for my betrayal. He's too good for that- he knew there was no point.
Since my act of "lightworking" I've been confused and lost. And because I recognised the darkworker in me but sensed something slightly wrong, felt the need to start threads about darkworkers here every few months or so.  But,seriously, since I depolarised my life has lost its colour. I've lost all attraction for women, see little point in anything and have been choosing safe, unexciting life paths. But I think I'm gradually becoming a lightworker... bit by bit...it's interesting the way it happens. I just suddenly began to feel a degree of compassion towards others and the other day subjective reality introduced itself to me. I don't know if the fact I went vegan 10 days before that realisation is a coincidence...
Anyway, really good stuff Steve. I think darkworker/lightworker/npc is a great perspective. |
Awesome story, Plato. I went through a similar situation.
I had a "partner in crime" when I was doing a lot of shoplifting. He and I were really bad influences on each other -- always escalating things. We'd draw maps of stores to decide how we were going to steal certain items. Rarely did we leave empty handed.
We drifted apart (no bad blood or anything), but we still keep in touch from time to time. Today he makes a great living as a professional poker player (not one you'd have seen on TV).
The power you felt on the darkworker side can definitely be had again on the lightworker side. In fact, you'll find that much of what you gained for yourself can be used to serve others. I built a lot of courage by stealing over and over again. After a while I could steal without my heart skipping a beat. That courage serves me today by making it easier to take action without fear, such as doing public speaking.
Rest assured you can meet all your needs (and beyond) on the lightworker side.
Being the hero and being the villain in your own life story are both very interesting and attractive paths. They both involve a lot of growth -- overcoming fear, coming into your power, learning self-discipline, etc -- but each in different ways.