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Originally Posted by robc  It's also despicable how alot of men commit suicide because they feel so overwhelmed by a system that sucks them dry financially for spousal & child support and no one seems to take notice of the statistics that divorced men are dropping like flies.
Majority custody is also an issue. Unless in a situation where one parent doesn't want joint custody of their children, it should just be assumed that parents have joint custody of the children. As it stands, it's currently assumed that the mother will have full custody and the father will have visitation. Why is that even an option? Why was it decided that the mother have full custody? Why isn't joint custody the normal standard instead of being an option? Those are questions that should be asked. |
The thing is that most of the men I personally know don't want 50/50 custody. They see it as a new freedom to go out and do whatever they want without the responsibility. However, assuming both parents want custody and both are fit parents, then yes, it should be 50/50. If you have 50/50 custody then no, there is no need for either side to pay child support. I do think that if one parent has the ability to get health insurance through their work they should do it rather than the other parent have to pay for exorbitant rates. Things like that. If one makes more money, it would be nice to help out with things for the kids in my opinion.
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Originally Posted by robc Plus it's 2008, if you're an adult, don't make excuses about being a stay-at-home parent or having only a part-time job. Those are decisions you make and there are consequences for those decisions. You need to work full-time to pay the bills, mortgage/rent, etc. If you choose not to work or to only work part-time, expect problems when paying bills. I didn't make this rule, stuff costs money, you need money to buy stuff, if you need money, you have to work. Don't blame it on a marriage that has gone sour. If you blame anything else other than yourself, you're using it as a crutch for your current situation and that means you've released yourself from any responsibility and that doesn't fly. In this life you have both power & responsibility over your actions. If you choose not to act, you choose not to exercise your power but the responsibility of that choice is still yours, no one elses. |
Sure, I understand all of that. And I agree. However the fact of the matter is that whichever parent stayed home (which is a joint decision) gave up a lot of earning potential in order to benefit the family. I am certainly not saying that they should be coddled, but it will be a lot harder to enter the workforce at a level that will enable them to support a household with children. I am not implying that they be allowed to NOT WORK!! If that is what you thought then I apologize for not being clearer. Once the divorce happens you are both going to have to work full-time and maybe then some. But the parent who has been consistently employed is going to have an easier time. I am sure I have more to say, but I'll see how you respond to this much first.
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Originally Posted by robc There should be no sliding scale. Both parents should retain equal custody of the children, provide for them according to their means and make no excuses about it. When you divorce, you choose to be a single parent with kids instead of a family, if you can't be a single parent with kids without support from your ex-spouse, you are pretty much telling the world you can't hack it as a single person and still need your spouse for certain things & support, you just don't need them for marriage. |
If both parents are fit and want equal custody, then a lot of what you are saying makes sense. However, I still maintain that if you want what's best for your children and one parent is struggling then you will contribute more to the benefit of your children. And just so we are clear this goes both ways -- whether the man or woman initiates divorce, and whether the man or woman has a better job. No matter what the kids shouldn't be the ones to suffer in my opinion.
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Originally Posted by robc If men & women are to be considered equal, treatment should be equal across the board, and not more "equal" in some areas for some of us and not for others. If you need support from your spouse although you choose to divorce, you are not equal. If you choose to remain unemployed or work only part-time because that's how it was in your marriage before you got divorced while you ex-spouse has to continue working full-time to support you, you are not equal. If you want to be equal, really be equal and stop making excuses for your situation, let go of the crutch. Stand on your own 2 feet.
The only people in this equation that require support are the children because they are currently not equal: they aren't adults, they can't support themselves and they certainly didn't choose to be born into a family where their parents don't want to be married anymore. |
I think I've addressed this above when I made it clear I wasn't talking about continuing to be unemployed or work part time, I was merely stating that the parent who's been unemployed will not be able to earn as much and that the children, not they, might need extra support from the higher earning parent. I do want to be equal and I would never try to be unemployed as a singe parent if I had kids, nor would I expect to be able to work part time after a divorce and rely on support from my ex to make up the difference. If that was the impression you got, it was sorely mistaken.