Quote:
Originally Posted by JimOfferman  I am happy that you at least recognize that you have to do something. You and only you are in control of what goes on in your life. Everything that happens to you (save, maybe, freak acts of nature) happens because you allow it to happen. Herein lies your responsibility and power.
That is not true. The flame feeds on your existence, because you allow it - but if you remove yourself from the spark, the flame will die.
No need to apologize - I, like most here, offer my thoughts for free, but also without guarantee or expectations. In the end, it is (here we go again) your responsibility to life your life as best you can - not mine. All I can do is offer some suggestions that may help you.
Yes, taking full responsibility for your life is hard. Very hard, in fact. I believe that is the number one reason why so many among us refuse to do so.
However, as a former responsibility avoiding drone, I can tell you this: taking full responsibility also leads to a life that is infinitely more gratifying than just being along for the ride.
It is your choice. |
Jim Offerman,
at risk of sounding really weird, i sat here for a long while and stared at the very last four words of your post for quite a while until my eyes strayed down to your music link. so then i clicked on it and went there and listened to the very top song.
it feels like the exact opposite of that happened to me. i woke up one day and everything had changed, but it was me. and it was not good. i know that i can not simply wait to wake up and for everything to change back or change for the better. if i want to have that waking moment like in that song and for everything to be a wonderful adventure .. well, it won't just happen on its own.
i know. saying it is one thing, doing it is another. people always say they want to do things and they don't follow through. if i don't follow through, if i don't make it better, i am going to end up some dead-eyed, hollow husk of a brainless thing that can not even rightfully be called a woman.
i wish that i could scream on the outside the way that i am on the inside. you're right, this isn't even really about the palygomy or whatever. it was a trigger to this line of thinking that i am having right now and it brought me here. maybe it really is just an excuse.
it's really about me
there are so many things i want to do and to be. he says no. i have always accepted that as fact and allowed it to be this way. no means no. but i am allowing for no to mean no. maybe he can say no and i can say yes. it won't work between us like that, i know that it won't. i am really terrified the more i think about it, because i don't know where i can go. i am not in a good position and the more i think about this the more sick i am. i don't even want to be touched for fear of all of these thoughts being wiped away by some false haze of care that maybe really isn't even there.
anyway, i know i am spewing this all over the place and talking so much. i am really distressed more and more, but i have to just do what i have to do for me. hurting everyone and everything in the process is inevitable