Quote:
Originally Posted by JimOfferman  Stop feeding the flame then. You validate this recurring need of him to hurt everything he comes in contact with by allowing him to do so. You are part of the circle. To break the circle, all you need to do is step out.
Next time his flame comes out, kindly tell me that you cannot discuss any issue while he is in that state and that you will be happy to talk about what is bothering him once he has calmed down. I suggest that you also leave the room after that, to give him a chance to cool. Be true to your word and discuss the issue once his flame has worn out.
(Another thing that works well for me is not raising my voice when someone tries to argue by raising theirs - this subtly forces the other to talk through the issue at hand, rather than turn the discussion into a shouting match)
Good luck! |
dear, JimOfferman.. thank you for replying to me again..
thankfully i have no problems with not raising my voice. it's not really something that i am compelled to do, otherwise i would be in a lot of trouble. on the contrary, i am very apologetic. i wish that i could say your advice would work in this particular case. if i were to leave the room or tell him please not to raise his voice-- if i were to do that, i already know what would happen. i swear i am not being defeatist or refusing to help myself. i am in a very bad place and i have to do something. thank you for advice on the temper thing. if things were normal then i know exactly how valuable that would be, but my wishing that i could be helpful really is just wishful thinking. i feed the flame by existing.
i dearly apologise if that is frustrating or if i am worrisome after putting thought into your replies. i really am not saying that it's useless. it's not at all. it's just .. harder than that. not harder as in i do not have the willpower -- harder as in .. it will not work how you think.
thank you again very much, JimOfferman, and for the goodluck. i need that so much.