Originally Posted by Faye
greetings, robc, and thank you very much for this very long and well thought out reply. it is a lot for me to swallow -- not because i am too lazy to read. on the contrary, i devoured all of this very eagerly and hopefully. the reason it is hard is because, if i were to try what you said and tell him that i am attracted to someone else --
-- i think that he would know that i am lying.
some of your response assumes some things that are not true. he would get mad at me if i don't work out and don't try to look my best, so unfortunately that is already the case. i would not want to embarrass him. i am not saying i am perfect, but the effort to be appealing is already there. i wish it wasn't. then i would be able to latch onto that and work on it with all my might. as it is .. all i can do is feel inadequate or try to change my outlook. maybe the focus on things besides him stuff .. although that in itself is pretty daunting. i guess that sounds pretty awful.
still -- as for the first part, i think i will try what you say. i will have to work up the nerve to do this, so it may be a few days before i can tell what happens. rest assured, though, that i will report the results.
thank you again. you have given me a lot to consider.
When you say he would know you are lying, that's the part you have to convince yourself of.
Since you are already looking your best, try another approach, how about a different look from what he's accustomed too. Another thing, don't tell him about the other "guy" yet but do the following: go out a few times during the next couple of weeks during times when you would normally be going out with him. If he asks (or it sounds like tells) you to go out to a movie or out to eat at some time that you normally would do something together, just tell him that you have unfortunately made other plans with a friend but don't mention the name of the friend even if he asks, just say it's someone he doesn't know. I'm afraid of the anger part that you mentioned, I hope he isn't physical with you, if so call the cops immediately, love or not.
Anyways go out a few times during the next few weeks, dress up really nice, do the hair & makeup thing but go out to a movie with a girlfriend or go out to the bar but don't tell him where you are going or who you are going with.
Do this a few times and then when he really starts to press you for some answers, then lay the line to him that you are seeing another guy and you are trying the "polyamorous" thing yourself. But you are right though, you have to half believe it yourself if you want him to believe it.