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Originally Posted by missing  vasilisa I'm not going to argue against your experience. I'm also done arguing for and defending the male perspective. There's not much else to say, and people can figure things out for themselves. I basically agree that you can't blame an entire gender, and it's pretty pointless to determine who has it worse, because it's very subjective and based on way too many variables. The reason I was being so biased is cause in our society, everyone knows how hard it is to be a woman; juggle kids and career, pressure to have it all, etc. How could we not? Many never shut up about it. And you know they may have a point. But it's no picnic being a man either, we face our own pressures and sometimes our own cruel treatment at the hands of females. It's just less socially acceptable for us to complain about it; we're supposed to "be a man" and keep our mouths shut. And there's something to be said for not being victim, taking control of one's situation, etc. etc. bla bla. Unless of course you really are a victim, but are so used to "taking it silently" you don't nor are allowed to recognize it. Why do you think male suicide rates are so high? I'd say it's cause a lot of men get confused about their situation and need help, but they can't/don't know how to reach out and get it because of the cultural stigma attached to being a male victim. This is a real problem. There is almost always some kind of support group resource to deal with the unique issues a woman might face. Rarely does such a thing exist for a man, and even if it does, most won't be comfortable utilizing it because of how they were socialized.
What we have I think is a situation where women are allowed and even encouraged to acknowledge when they are victims, to what I consider a point of excess. With men it's just the opposite. We need some semblance of balance here, and my biased sounding point of view is an attempt (maybe lousy) to inject some into this topic of discussion. |
I know first hand that resources & counselling for men who are victims of some sort of abuse either during childhood or as adults are very weak and this just isn't in my specific location, I'd argue that these resources are on the whole very weak throughout the country (and I'll lump Canada & the U.S. together on that).
Society teaches men to "take it like a man", men aren't supposed to cry, men are supposed to be tough, men aren't supposed to talk about their feelings or become emotional - we're taught that we should act like unfeeling brutes and then when you go through a divorce and there are children involved and issues like child custody are raised, more people will assume the mother should have full custody and the man should have a visitation schedule set up to see his kids. Anyone who wants to argue against the last point, please feel free to but I'm sure my generalization is very accurate for the most part. On top of that men are expected to pay unrealistic child support & spousal support, have slim visitation schedules with their children and at the same time still hold down employment, arrange for new living arrangements and maintain some semblance of a normal life even though they've been dealt a victim card that they aren't allowed to use because men aren't allowed to be victims. It's 2008, spousal support just doesn't make sense anymore when a woman can be just as equal as a man if not more equal considering there are more helpful resources in place for women than there are for men. Plus unless the father rejects it for some reason, child custody should be joint and not a given that the mother has full custody. Where is it said that a father's involvement in their children's growth & development should be limited to a specific visitation schedule. When a man & woman divorce for whatever relationship issues they had, their ties should be severed and there should be no connection between them other than their children. A man shouldn't have an obligation to support his wife when they divorce just like a woman shouldn't be obligated to support her husband if she is the higher wage earner. There only obligation after the divorce should be to their children and raising them in a joint custody environment insures that the children receive a healthy upbringing from both parents which is ultimately what most if not all children would want.
Any women reading this discussion, what do you feel about this last statement, do you feel that you should receive spousal support after a divorce from your husband and if so why? If not, give your opinion on that as well. An honest question that I believe could help this discussion out.