Originally Posted by Angela
Two things jumped out at me from your post. (Welcome, by the way!)
First, he wants you to 'stick with it and see what happens' and he knows that you are hurting in this situation. Your well-being is way, way, way down his list of priorities.
Second, he says you make him happy and he needs you for his happiness. This is not a man who takes 100% responsibility for his life.
He is who he is. If you stay in this relationship the way it is, you are in a relationship with a man to whom your well-being is not a priority, and who doesn't take 100% responsibility for his life. Regardless of his polyamory or the state of his relationship with the Gamble Girl, is this the kind of partner you want to be with? The answer may be yes or it may be no, but the important thing is: the choice is all yours.
thank you, Angela, for the very nice welcome. i guess i should have said hello in the hello place first.
i understand what you are saying about what kind of partner he is, but the fact of the matter is that i have put him in a bad situation. he was responsible in the first place by telling me what he believed in, and that also tells me that he does care about my well-being .. right? he did not want to pursue relationships with people to hurt people. he wants everyone to be happy too. i have put him at a disadvantage because he allowed himself to fall in love with me believing that it would be okay, and now he is as confused as i am.
i am very non-confrontational and this is the first time that i have really spoken my mind about something that is truly emotionally hurtful to me -- because he has a very bad temper that scares me and makes it hard to talk if i do.
i know that none of this really matters and that all that really matters is the choice itself, regardless of how it came about. what i have are the feelings in front of me and inside of me.
thank you for talking to me, i know it seems like i already know what i should do -- but the truth is that i am far from taking action and i am trying to reenforce the things that i already know with support from people who seem to be very courteous and honest.