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Originally Posted by Angela  Hi, JayFL, welcome! So glad to have you here.
It's interesting that after she was repeatedly abusive to you, you pleaded with her to be with you. It sounds like although she (and you, too) fell quickly into that blind, first blush love thing (four months is a really pretty short time to be talking about marriage and babies, don't you think, especially when you're experiencing red flags), still she was pretty honest with you when she gathered her awareness. It sounds like you both knew it wasn't the right partnership, and it was pretty generous of her to let you go with honesty once she got a grip, such as it is.
So, what exactly has you being angry? Will you look a little deeper and ask yourself for the inner truth of: what am I holding on to that I don't need? What could I be generating that would make a difference? Whatever it is you find yourself craving from her that it makes you upset she didn't provide it, are you willing to generate it yourself?
Since you've gone through this before, my guess is that once you tell yourself the truth about your anger, you'll have a lot of power and presence to generate a loving, long-term mutually beneficial relationship with the right person. What do you think? |
That is exactly what I've had a hard time getting a grasp on...what exactly am I so angry about? I decided at the beginning that I wasn't going to hold back in this relationship and give it my all. I admit in that process that I gave up all of my power to this person. I think a big part of my anger is that I was willing to put the work into this to make it a healthy relationship and the other person was just not willing. She even made the statement that she was just plain lazy when it came down to it.
I've gone back and tried to talk to her several times just to relive that deep pain of rejection and feed that fire again and again.