[Dharma]

There's two pieces of denial you have to keep in place to be jealous: separation and lack.

Separation meaning, there are 'others' out there who are not me. And lack, meaning, I will lose something... my lover, my status as his lover, my idea of what our relationship is; if x happens, I will experience some kind of loss.

Separation is a tough one to drop, because you either have to believe everyone is you or not. A belief in oneness means that that you look at these other women and say to yourself, oh, that's me interacting with my husband. They are no longer 'other people'. They are you. For some that's a big stretch and for others it might not be so hard.

The lack piece can be many things. You'll have to tell me what you fear losing. It probably has something to do with an imagined future event than with the present moment. It's hard to play with lack when you're fully present in the now.

The fear you feel is a warning sign that you're playing with a lot of denial. Think of fear as a signal from yourself that you are treading waaaay off the path and need to focus to get back on again. There is a feeling coming up inside you that makes you reach for the jealousy. You use the jealousy to hide something in your feeling body.

The next time it comes up, stop, and enter the feeling you're having fully and soften around it. Don't use your mind and label what you're feeling, just embrace whatever it is you feel. Then soften into that feeling and try to go deeper, and deeper. There's something underneath the contracted feeling of jealousy you're trying to avoid. See if you can feel what it is.