[Pilkington]

Hey there, this is my first thread and post on this site... I joined cause i noticed a thread where a guy discussed a few problems and some other members helped him out. I related to his topic but i didn't want to interrupt his thread so i created this one. Anyways i think is probably going to more of venting but if you manage to read all of it, please throw in any advice.

So I'm an 18 year old male, straight out of high school i decided to go to college. I'm just nearing the end of my first year and i gotta say it was awful. The degree choice i made was definitely a poor one, so for this next year i'm switching. But the problem arises when i realized that i made such a poor choice, now i'm having all sorts of anxiety. Like i don't know what I'm going to be when i graduate, if school is the right choice for me, things like that. It's given me a lot of stress, the thing that keeps me going is the close friends that i got, i have a few. The problem in this is that even though i have wonderful people around me and am meeting new friends everyday, i have bad depression. The depression arose when i was grade four, at least thats when i can remember. I would have mood swings, not happy to angry but more happy to sad, with no catalyst at all. I find myself today worrying about things that are way above the things that i should be worried about. With addition to the post graduate thing, i'm worrying about women way to much. Stated previously of my close friends, i have six, and 5/6 are all in happy lone relationships, and it makes me jealous. Not in a way that i wish ill upon them but how much i want something like that, to be loved. This brings me to my biggest problem i think, relationships and women. I don't understand this at all, i'm not a socially inept person but i've never had a long relationship, never had someone say they "loved me" (in a romantic way that is, i've heard it from friends and family) what i'm talking about isn't someone just loving you but rather being in love with you. and i know a lot of people believe at such a young age its impossible to be "In love," Well that may be true i have no idea, but the love i see that my friends have for there significant others is good enough for me. Anyways, i don't understand women, I've heard all the following from women; i'm a funny guy, nice, charming, smart, fun to hang out with, loyal, i'm not a 10/10 but not bad looking (some girls have said hot some have said less nice things)...sometimes i can say a cocky thing or a mean thing, though i try to stay humble and i do apologize if i know i've hurt someones feelings with a joke for example. However, i've only dated a couple girls, and instead i get "Oh, your such a good friend." Which in turn leads for a lot of nice friendships, which i don't mind. They start coming to me for advice, which i don't mind giving, but most of the time it's advice about how much they like my best friend (i'll call him x), anyways their always coming up to me asking advice on him, how i should put in a good word, or what's x saying about them, so on and so forth. It's started to just absolutely pissing me off, and some who read this may believe that i hold some form of jealously and hatred for my friend x, but thats furthest from the truth, me and him are really close, i consider him a brother. It pisses me off cause, for ever one of those girls that likes him, theres been a lot, i've heard, "Oh your just like x," which agian doesn't bother me, but if im just like him why aren't there girls lining up at my front door, or asking him for advice about me. I'll admit that he's probably better looking then me but again not a 10/10. And to be honest he can be a really big ******* sometimes (to girls), while he and i both agree im the nicer one. Anyways, i guess this is more a venting mechanism for me, if you got advice please share your wisdom. For all those people who noticed my horrible grammar, i really apologize and don't worry i'm not an english major or plan on being one.
Thanks For reading