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fixthis4me · 04-18-2008, 01:31 AM

Hey everyone.I found this site by a Google search on life sucks.I'm so tired of my self,my living death and ever being born.Here's a few details.I've been married for 39 years which I know most people would say wow to.Well,it isn't wow to me.The last 15 years are like I'm married to a different person.I realize you will tell me to get out,but listen on.My wife has never drove a car,never worked outside the home,and cares nothing for making love.Now,my predicament is this.I'm just tired of everything in life,including fishing,hunting,metal detecting,and sight seeing.All these things I used to enjoy.My wife is a great home maker,but I can do all that myself.I need companionship and intimacy.I need someone to enjoy the things I enjoy.Another problem,more severe than the other.I was a christian for 40 years,a pastor for 7 years,and now I don't even accept the bible as from God.This is extremely difficult for me,as my life was centered on this abiding hope which I no longer have.I've been in a suicidal state for about 2 years now.A day does not pass that I don't think of ending my existence.I have it all figured out,but thought I would plea for help one last time.Back to my wife.There is no way I can leve her.She is very dependent on me as a child is dependent on parents.Besides,we have no money,we owe a mortage,and I could not support two households.And I have the problem of not having it within myself to do this to her.I would rather leave life,even though I know this would be excruciating for her.But at least I won't know it.Now one more issue.I truly love someone else,whom I cannot have,as she is married.Her feelings are not the same for me as far as I know.But I'm obsessed.This is just one more stake in my heart and I'm really very,very tired of it all.Too much confusion in my mind.Too much heartache and misery.Anyway,if some of you out there in cyber land can help,I'm listening.

04-18-2008, 01:31 AM	#1 (permalink)
fixthis4me Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1	Hopeless situation Hey everyone.I found this site by a Google search on life sucks.I'm so tired of my self,my living death and ever being born.Here's a few details.I've been married for 39 years which I know most people would say wow to.Well,it isn't wow to me.The last 15 years are like I'm married to a different person.I realize you will tell me to get out,but listen on.My wife has never drove a car,never worked outside the home,and cares nothing for making love.Now,my predicament is this.I'm just tired of everything in life,including fishing,hunting,metal detecting,and sight seeing.All these things I used to enjoy.My wife is a great home maker,but I can do all that myself.I need companionship and intimacy.I need someone to enjoy the things I enjoy.Another problem,more severe than the other.I was a christian for 40 years,a pastor for 7 years,and now I don't even accept the bible as from God.This is extremely difficult for me,as my life was centered on this abiding hope which I no longer have.I've been in a suicidal state for about 2 years now.A day does not pass that I don't think of ending my existence.I have it all figured out,but thought I would plea for help one last time.Back to my wife.There is no way I can leve her.She is very dependent on me as a child is dependent on parents.Besides,we have no money,we owe a mortage,and I could not support two households.And I have the problem of not having it within myself to do this to her.I would rather leave life,even though I know this would be excruciating for her.But at least I won't know it.Now one more issue.I truly love someone else,whom I cannot have,as she is married.Her feelings are not the same for me as far as I know.But I'm obsessed.This is just one more stake in my heart and I'm really very,very tired of it all.Too much confusion in my mind.Too much heartache and misery.Anyway,if some of you out there in cyber land can help,I'm listening.