Bloody hell Steve. Did you read my thoughts here:
Quote:
This call creates a feeling like, “Whoa… we’ve really gotten off track here. This isn’t how the world is supposed to be. Someone needs to do something about it. Damn… I think that someone is me. How the heck am I going to take on something so big?”
I suspect only a small percentage of readers will resonate with the statement, I think that someone is me. If you have a lot of fear and/or greed in you (which unfortunately most people do), you won’t likely hear this calling since it isn’t broadcast on those channels. But if you endeavor to move beyond the consciousness of fear and greed, eventually you’ll start feeling a vague inclination to do something “good” that helps the world in some small way. Over time that feeling will become stronger and more specific.
If you do hear such a calling, your first inclination will probably be to suppress it. I’d rather live in the matrix — life outside will be too hard. Go ahead and try if you must, but once you get the call, it’s too late for you. You’ll never be content living as a slave again, no matter how hard you try. You’ll feel more and more disconnected from other people who live like slaves. You’ll feel a strong desire to find your tribe (i.e. other people who can see what you are now seeing). The tugging of your conscience is the collective consciousness of humanity summoning you to act in its defense. Your duty is to be part of the solution. That duty cannot be ignored except to the extent you drown yourself in fear. The bright side is that you aren’t alone.
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Thats plain scary...
I don't identify with the lightworker label (or darkworker label) personally, what I do know is that the way things are going at the moment and the place where we will end up if we continue thats not good.
A lot of people are in hell at the moment and because of that they are trying there best to create hell around them to fit there own personal model of the world.
I can tick of every box here:
- Work against fear 'check'
Identifying where and how fear arises in me and 'combatting' (no other word in the english language for it) inside of me has given me a few insights that might help other people.
- Feel a call to help humanity 'big checkmark'
For a while I wanted to set up dozens of mega projects, with possible mega results. The vague sense of something has to be done automatically triggered my mega creative center and out popped extremely difficult mega projects lol. Turned out I wasn't quite ready and started to repress them again, I still literally wake up at night with this vague sense of 'I must do something'. It still ain't clear though.
- The matrix and wanting to fall back in 'check' BIG time
I've seen the matrix around me a few times, after a while the consequences starts to scare me which pulls me back in. I never seem to be able to keep myself in the matrix though. On top of that I'm starting to see more clearly the matrix inside of me as well, the ego some would call it. I'm basically dropping in and out of it, never completely gone and never completely inside it. I have a feeling its moving me out of ego, in the short term though I've really got no idea.
- Disconnect from other people 'check'
Oh yeah, I look around me and wonder why people aren't simply happy. Thats it, why are they so inside there heads walking around and playing there little games. Now I frequently fall back into it again, in that I lose myself (literally
) in fear. Still there's this underlying sense of 'just be happy'...
Don't know what to make of this, I never identified with being a lightworker at all. I've try'd to become a darkworker like three times already, the end result always turns out to be 'me being miserable and spreading it around'. Not the most pleasant state to be in, on top of that little motivation to do anything, felt all so insignificant.
A few times people have asked me why I do what I do (work on PD) and I never really had a clear answer. I felt that I should do it to grow and become stronger but it wasn't to make more money, get more power or more material stuff. All that stuff is fine, its not evil, but I never got any real motivation from it. Its more a feeling of, yeah its nice, thats it lol. Other people walk through fire to get it and I just don't care, little or no resistance either. Its not that I am pushing it away its just that it doesn't matter for my sense of happiness.
Ps. Guys wtf is the problem with this obsession over understanding lightworker vs. darkworker. Its a metaphor or as steve likes to say, its a lense to look at reality. You know that old NLP saying:
The map is not the territory?
This is the same thing, its an idea and although idea's can be incredibly valuable to contemplate they are still just that idea's.
If you suddenly go snap 'Im a light/darkworker' then its probably a usefull idea for you. Don't get obsessed about it when you don't.
Everybody likes to think we are special snowflakes and if steve is right only a small part of humanity can become a light/darkworker. If you aren't one, thats alright. Your not condemned, its not the end of the world...
I'm telling you this not as a preacher by the way but more as a fellow stupid guy. I made the same mistake, took it as gospel and try'd to become a darkworker. I look back on that know and laugh, its so silly. The thing is, its better if you don't have to go through that period. You might get stuck in a very dark world. I almost did...