Oh, I think he would find another body.
He is all about working and providing, he has that kind of mentality.
And he worries. He also has told me time and time again that I've done more for her than her bio mom ever did. She never bonded at all and when she was a baby he took time off work to care for her. The reason he always had her at work was because she wasn't there for her. So while he is absent at times, he still was there for her more so than her mom. I think he doesn't realize how much she needs him now, and how much she was used to him being the primary caregiver.
He rescued me financially as well. So, is it a trade off, or is it blackmail? One year he spent a small fortune on my doctors when our HMO doctors weren't doing right by me, and he paid off all my bills when we got together.
I do think he naively thought I could fix everything, and it's frustrating for both of us. He throws money at problems, and I try to find out why people do the things they do. But I generally am nurturing until someone pushes me away, and since our daughter has continually been hostile and pushed me away, I'm burnt out. It leaves me wondering if I would feel differently if she were my own, or if it would make any difference.
I've gone out of my way to not downgrade her mom in any way, I've made sure her photos are displayed, helped with a scrapbook, packed away memorabilia for her to have. I just don't know if we will ever be able to get past her feeling like the only way she can remember her mom is to feel contempt for me.
I'll look into more grounding exercises. I've tried things over the years but I've never really had a lot of success.