 just want to be normal someday...
I become social... and then all of a sudden I'm not and I seem like such a reject... I feel like my friends like my older siblings more than they like me... they like me... but sometimes I'm open and friendly and then other times I just close up....
The law of attraction says that whatever you focus on is what you get, and I find that whenever I focus on friends nad people and friendships then it seems to go away from me, and then whenever I have the belief "no one likes me, and that's okay" then people seem to want to hang out with me..
I don't get it... I'm so confused...
how do I be less attached??? less clingy?? less needy??? without becoming negative and self-bashing ("I'm such a horrible person no one would ever like me")
i just want to be normal... I just want to find myself... I just want to be myself... I'm tired of meditating... and maintaining gratitude... I take up so much energy trying to maintain an attitude of gratitude and I feel grateful, but then I'm like uncommunicative and I'm just mute... I don't want to be this way anymore... I really want some help... I just want to be consistently at peace and joyful, and peaceful... I don't know what to do... I've read so much self-help stuff and done a bunch of stuff...
I guess I desperately don't want to be alone... I don't konw how to deal with that... I want to be okay with being alone... Should I just be okay with it... I'm not really alone either........
Everything's conflicting and everything's just so upsetting... and I just want to get past all of this... I just want to be okay.. and normal.. and not messed up... and not unhappy... and not trying so hard to "maintain an attitude of gratitude" that Im like using up my energy in resistance... how do I deal with negativity... am I supposed to resist it or am I supposed to accept it... if I accept it, aren't I focusing on it??? Aren't I then activating the law of attraction and saying, "bring more of this to me?" Who lieks to be around a negative person anyway??? If I accept the negativity, won't I just be negative?  |