[pattycakes]

Someone mentioned to me that anger and stress can block psychic ability.

This makes sense to me, as when I am very happy I seem to be more psychic, and when I'm under stress my intuition seems to wane.

What can I do to get rid of anger about things I can't change? I can't walk away, and I can't change the situation, so how do I learn to accept it or release the anger so I can get back to normal? I'm looking at 8 more years of this, so I have to find a way to get over it. I'm dealing with someone who is psychologically damaged and while I try to get help for her despite her resentment, and mine, how do I let it go? I'm in a position of trying to not do any further psychological damage while raising her to adulthood, while frankly, I don't like her sometimes after years of constant disrespect and outright hatred directed my way.

If she were an adult, she would already be cut out of my life, but that is completely out of the question. So, we go to counseling, I make mistakes constantly because we're both miserable, my intuition is fading, and I honestly don't know what to do. Logically, I know the things that happen (and are said) are not the fault of a 10 year old because of the psychological damage done by mentally ill relatives and traumatic experiences, but emotionally, after years of hostility I'm worn out.

It mostly falls on me because my husband is a workaholic who stubbornly believes all our children need is more mommy time, something else we will be addressing in our next counseling session. He isn't going to change, though, so that is something that I have to accept and work around, and release anger over also. I'm dealing with abandonment issues, psychological damage, possible learning disabilities that we're testing for this week after fighting with schools and doctors for 3 years, relatives who have undermined the family unit, a fairly absent father, and early puberty starting at age 6. I'm responsible for teaching about everything, and no matter how I explain, or what books I get, there is still not a clear understanding of how these things work. It's terrifying for me that she doesn't get it and I don't understand how her mind works or why she can't follow things. Schools don't flunk anyone anymore and so far only 1 teacher has been concerned. Our district is so awful that even though she is below grade level by 1 1/2 grades, not only has she never been flunked, she is 5th from the top of her class! Because of our personality clash and the fact that we just don't seem to speak the same language, homeschooling is out of the question, and until we know if there is a learning disability we don't really know what to do to help her learn. I don't know if she just doesn't care, if she has PTSD due to a traumatic experience at 6, if there is a learning disability or what. Depression and addiction run in her family, so that is a concern, and there were suicides on both sides also.

I vacillate between my heart breaking for her and extreme anger at her. I know it isn't her fault but I'm so tired of bearing the brunt of her anger and being the one responsible for everything. I grew up with a mother who didn't like me, and the irony kills me. I don't want to be this kind of mother, and she deserves better. I'm also chronically ill and just don't feel well enough to deal some days. I don't feel like I know how to help her since I wasn't exactly raised by supportive parents myself. I don't have an example to follow, and I honestly don't understand her at all. I feel for her, but she sets my teeth on edge. I feel so inadequate, but I also feel set up in an impossible task. It's so frustrating and I'm terrified she's going to end up suicidal, or on drugs.

To add to the stress, I've made my living doing readings for a long time, and I can't keep paying for counseling if I can't rely on my intuition. My work is suffering.

My husband is killing himself working to pay for everything he can, and I can't rely on my intuition because of the stress, and I can't be nurturing because of the way I feel. I hear other stepmoms talk about how much they love their stepkids and I feel awful. We were fine when I was his girlfriend, but when I became 'mom' that was the end.

help!