[dulaney0330]

Good question!

More often than not, individuals who hate themselves grew up in a dysfunctional family and/or were bullied throughout the school years. More often than not, individuals who hate themselves may have personality predispositions that make them more prone to depression, pessimisim, and worry. More often than not, individuals who hate themselves learned at an early age that me= inadequate and inferior.

For example, I was abused by my father and emotionally neglected by my mother. I was raised by my mother who was battling her own issues of self-esteem and depression. The effect of abuse, divorce, poverty, neglect, and bullying took its toll on me. As a child, I soon learned that I was this huge burden to the world and that I was not precious or worthwhile. Instead of protection, I was abused. Instead of love, I was neglected. Instead of acceptance, I was alienated. Instead of safety, I had all these reasons NOT to trust.

Perhaps you can relate. Perhaps you did not receive the love that you should have. Maybe you were also abused and treatly poorly. Whatever the reason for your self-hatred, you probably equate yourself to inadequacy and inferiority. Life is one big mess...one big struggle and no hope in sight.

How can we love if we were never loved? How can we feel a sense of self-love and acceptance if we only received condemnation and alienation? These are some deep and painful questions to ask oneself but it only shows how difficult it can be to overcome the things of our past.

For me, I had to discover WHY I hated myself so much. And then I had to figure out a way to help myself. One of the most difficult things to do in life is to empathize with oneself after years and years of self-hatred and disapproval. To empathize with oneself means to forgive, to love and to protect! When you empathize, you accept and kindly address negative feelings and thoughts...not condemn or disapprove of them. This is hard work for someone struggling with self-hatred!

Perhaps, try to self-empathize. Here, I will give an example:

I do not consider myself an incredibly smart person and I have often hated myself for this. I wanted to feel worthy and by feelign worthy meant being smart. For years, I doubted my ability to learn and I put myself down for being "stupid."

However, with self-empathy I tell myself, " For many years, you suffered from untreated depression and anxiety. It interfered with your schoolwork. You were always anxious going to school and this really hurt you academically. So, while it would be nice to be this super smart person, you have to realize that you are catching up because of all those lost years. You are doing the best you can. You do not have to the smartest or brightest...that is simply your low self-esteem talking."

It can be difficult, at first, to exercise self-empathy because of this great need to constantly self-destruct. But with time, it will become easier.

I hope this helps a little bit. Overcoming self-hatred is definitely a tough job and give yourself credit for persisting!

Best wishes