Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - The Ugly Duckling Effect. (How do I handle being pretty?)

danas · 04-14-2008, 12:19 AM

Hi blueberry
I can totally relate with this.(also with the ugly ducking story)
Recently Ive made it my mission to be as honest and clear as possible with myself and with the world and not vague as I used to be.
Basicly it means being willing to let go of things that block your energy. even if they flatter you.
Ive gotten into a lot of messes because of my vagueness. (including guys I wasnt interested in, flying across the world to see me with big expectations (happened 3 times- Im a slow learner),
But now Im so much clearer. both if Im interested and if Im not.
I just try to express what I feel as clearly as I can.
example: recently Ive been spending more time with a male friend of mine, hes very intelligent and fun to be with, but I could tell that he wanted more, so I told him how glad I was that we were just friends, then he actually told me that he was considering us having a romantic relationship, and I told him quite clearly to stop considering cause it aint gonna happen- doesnt feel right.
We stayed friends, but now i feel he is still trying to get me closer so Ive decided to take my distance.
I do have a few strong but completely aplotonic relationships with men though, so I know its possible.
I also used to attract alot of men that were only interested in sex.
That was definately due to my low self esteem. And I sending out mixed messages unconsiously.
Now I seem to attract men that want to have serious relationships with me- which is good cause that's what I want.

Basiclly I believe being clear with yourself will lead to clearer signals being sent out, and I think (for me at least) its important not just to "hint" polietly but to say things gently but very clearly.

04-14-2008, 12:19 AM	#9 (permalink)
danas Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: New York, NY Posts: 1,676	Hi blueberry I can totally relate with this.(also with the ugly ducking story) Recently Ive made it my mission to be as honest and clear as possible with myself and with the world and not vague as I used to be. Basicly it means being willing to let go of things that block your energy. even if they flatter you. Ive gotten into a lot of messes because of my vagueness. (including guys I wasnt interested in, flying across the world to see me with big expectations (happened 3 times- Im a slow learner), But now Im so much clearer. both if Im interested and if Im not. I just try to express what I feel as clearly as I can. example: recently Ive been spending more time with a male friend of mine, hes very intelligent and fun to be with, but I could tell that he wanted more, so I told him how glad I was that we were just friends, then he actually told me that he was considering us having a romantic relationship, and I told him quite clearly to stop considering cause it aint gonna happen- doesnt feel right. We stayed friends, but now i feel he is still trying to get me closer so Ive decided to take my distance. I do have a few strong but completely aplotonic relationships with men though, so I know its possible. I also used to attract alot of men that were only interested in sex. That was definately due to my low self esteem. And I sending out mixed messages unconsiously. Now I seem to attract men that want to have serious relationships with me- which is good cause that's what I want. Basiclly I believe being clear with yourself will lead to clearer signals being sent out, and I think (for me at least) its important not just to "hint" polietly but to say things gently but very clearly.