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Originally Posted by PianoManGidley  Maybe I'm just naive here, but why are you putting yourself in situations where the guys you meet are so shallow in the first place? Aren't there places where more mature, intellectual men are that you could try to befriend? If nothing else, you could become a fag hag and just hang out around gay men if you want to befriend men but make sure they don't just see you as a piece of meat.  |
I purposefully avoid putting myself in these situations, believe me! I try to gravitate only to people who I feel like I can actually talk to and I'm getting good at gaging my conversational compatibility with others.
A perfect example for the kinds of 100% unwanted attention I get happened last night. I went out to a diner to work on a project by myself. I asked to be seated in the corner of the restaurant alone at a booth and had my project materials spread out all around me. It was clear that I was very involved in my project and my books when all of a sudden, a man approached my table and before saying anything introductory, sat down and asked me what my name was. I was totally taken aback and I told him. He went on to begin talking to me flirtatiously and I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was trying to work so he would leave. I feel like I handled the situation the best way that I could. I was clear and upfront about it and got the results I desired.
I just feel really misunderstood and alienated on some level. It makes me feel uncomfortable that people get such a wrong impression about the kind of person I am because of the way I look. I understand that that's their problem and not mine. But I think the main issue is that I don't feel comfortable with my physical appearance. When I was younger, I gave up on being beautiful because I didn't feel like I was and I decided that it didn't have anything to do with who I was. After I "blossomed", I stayed in a relationship that ended up making me feel insecure about myself and I think I'm still recovering from those effects. It's weird. I'm just not sure how I should feel about all of this and when I try to work through it, I feel mentally dizzy.
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Originally Posted by GoingPrimal One suggestion I have for you in terms of how to handle guys who you are interested in friend-wise but not sexually is to go out with some other physically attractive girls and see how they let guys know that they are not interested. This might work if you go out with some girls who aren't looking for attention all night. |
Thank you for this very practical advice.
I've been wanting to make some girl friends now that I'm back out into the world but it just hasn't happened it. It's probably important to note that I've always been the kind of girl to hang out with the guys. Where I grew up, 99% of the girls I would come into contact with were really superficial and dramatic and I had a lot of trouble relating to them. I've been told that I come across as if I've had too many male influences and that's true. I think I'm out of touch with my femininity. I was raised in a household with 3 older brothers and my mom was too crazy to be a role model for me. So I ended up getting treated like one of the boys by my father and my siblings and I was discouraged from a lot of girly things. My family was also very strict about what I was and wasn't allowed to wear, as if certain parts of my body were shameful. I wasn't allowed to wear shorts of tank tops.
I don't know... I don't mean to ramble. You guys have given me some useful and practical advice so far. I guess as I've continued to discuss this issue with you though, some of the deeper aspects of it are starting to come out.
If I've been conditioned to deny my femininity, then what steps do you think I can take to integrate my goddess identity back into myself?