Thanks everyone.
I've done some more thinking about this. I have a lot of limiting beliefs:
1. I'm a girl - I shouldn't have to stress over making money. A man should take care of me.
I resent that I'm broke and thinking about money. I should be doing this as a free-for-all hobby - my man should be providing me with financial stability and security so I can do what I want.
2. Porn writers are not real writers...and I want to be a real writer.
Trying to make porn, which is generally so shady, into something cooler, seems so daunting. Am I talented enough to even transcend the porn? Because if I'm not, then I suck.
3. I'm not smart enough to run a business. That's what more dynamic people do. Not a dreamer/artistic type like me.
Even in my corporate life, I feel like such an incompetent phony. In the beginning, I can fool my boss and co-workers that I know what I'm doing...but eventually, I start f*cking up. I miss deadlines. I forget about meetings. I let things slip through the cracks.
I feel like I lack the logic to run a business - everything I do seems to run on emotion, intuition, and total lack of discipline! I'm going to ♥♥♥♥♥ up my business, too.
4. I hate trying new things!
Change is my biggest enemy. I may seem like a ballsy chick...but deep down, all I want is to be taken care of and to never have to worry about the scary stuff.
Once I have a business, the rules are all different. Even my taxes will be filed differently. What if I mess up? What if it's not as cool as I expected? I'll be all alone, figuring this out...and I just was starting to figure out the rules of my old life.
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You know what really boils my blood? I've used romantic relationships to avoid all these fears. Of course, the boyfriend never lasted. And now, here I am. When people tell you, "face your problems now, because they're not going anywhere" ... it's totally true.
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