Quote:
|
I don't want to give up on my boyfriend as a person, because if I did, I would regret not knowing if things could really turn around...I do want to help him but I still understand that I can't sacrifice my wellbeing out of senseless loyalty to him. I want to give him a calculated chance.
|
Wouldn't you be much more capable of giving him a calculated chance later on? When you've got your sh*t together?
You're just starting on this journey of self-actualization - you need ALL the energy you can muster.
Quote:
|
But when I changed, one thing I could not deny myself was the need to EXPRESS who I was and who I was becoming. My relationship wasn't allowing me to do that, so I made friends outside of it and started talking to other people again.
|
Obviously, he's not on this journey with you; basically, he's dead weight.
Quote:
|
And not just for him but for me. If I can be strong enough to be reasonable and honest with him and have him still refuse to cooperate with me...
|
Again, you are placing self-validation on something/someone outside yourself. You're making the relationship the litmus test of "strong enough." This is NOT personal power.
Reality is: he is ALREADY refusing to cooperate with you. He resists you. He is not your #1 cheerleader. He is anti-social and emotionally unavailable, and obviously doing nothing about it.
Trust me - he co-created the dysfunction with you. Don't allow yourself to be a martyr - someone who takes all the blame, like Christ on the cross. Martyr is being a victim - maybe the ultimate victim.
Quote:
|
...I would be able to sleep better at night if I end up having to kick him out of my life.
|
You're not kicking him out of your life. You're focusing on yourself, and allowing him to win you back.
When I stopped talking to my guy, there was no drama. In fact, the last time we interacted was affectionate.
I didn't give a "good-bye, mon amour" speech. I didn't give any speech, period. I just felt tired of the bullsh*t, and stopped contact. It was so simple that it was difficult, if you know what I mean.
Listen, you're how old? 20 years old? Your adult life has just started. You don't know it yet, but you've outgrown your bf. Do you really think you're going to be with him when you're my age (29)? By age 29, you will be so different, you will chuckle when you think about how pressed you were for him.
If I were you, with my 29-yr-old "wisdom" and "perspective," I would immediately start looking for a roommate, and move out. I would take the new job. I would keep making new friends. I would give my bf the chance to woo me, and to date me. But, chances are, I would meet someone more compatible, more in tune with the new me.