well first off let me say I'm glad we have jennihul to clarify what the "bottom line" is in the midst of this "infestation of people's dubious personal opinions". Mind you what she is saying here is seperate from all that nonsense, so let's listen as it must be important;
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Originally Posted by Jennihul  If you truly care about being with your children, you will do whatever it takes to get joint or solitary custody. Including getting a lawyer that will make that happen and paying him what he wants. Moms feel a strong maternal primal desire to make this happen and they reap the results because of it. If dads feel that desire, they will make it happen too. |
the difference of course is that mom's are generally working with the system, dad's against it. Sounds fair to me! I know some one will shoot back, "well that's life, it's not fair, that doesn't mean you should give up". Well you won't get any arguments about life being not fair from me. But to not giving up, that kinda talk sounds good in movies but in real life well, somethings are just impossible, and investing effort in them is irrational. You cannot fight city hall, and many men know this. That is why rather than fight the system head on, they skirt around it and do things like work under the table. You think your example CEO likes working at a tire shop, earning a low salary given that he's obviously capable of more? I suppose it's possible but more likely he doesn't see the point of stressing himself 24-7, working himself into an early grave so he can be an ATM machine. The fact that somebody with his stature would willingly downgrade his position in society just goes to show what men are up against.
Now I agree 100% that kids should not be suffering because of mommy and daddy not getting along. But why is it that men are expected to jump through all the hoops and make all the changes to keep a marriage intact? I imagine part of it is that a woman knows the courts our on her side, and plays that card the same way a man might play the martyr card. Only her card actually means something, thus you have far more divorces initiated by the woman. This thread is a great example, here the OP is spilling out something the way he sees it gets blasted for "not trying hard enough". If their is no gas in your tank you can't start your car, no matter how hard you "try". Bottom line is that his wife holds all the cards right now, and they both know it. He can jump through all the hoops in the world for her but she can still end the marriage. Or he can spare himself the dehumanizing effort and be viewed as a lazy dead beat. It's a no win situation.
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My friend's drug using deadbeat, barely employed, semi-mentally ill husband got full custody of his three boys and she had to pay child support because he had proof she went out partying with her friends while they were separated and divorcing and he paid a cuthroat lawyer. After the boys all quit school and started using drugs themselves and getting in trouble with the law and he became overwhelmed he finally admitted he sought custody out of spite because he knew she wanted the kids.
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well after years of women using the legal system to play dirty, why is it surprising that men have started doing the same? While I'm not defending his actions, you are calling him "mentally ill" which hardly makes him a fair example. In fact I'd say those most "mentally ill", sociopaths who disregard other people's feelings (of which there are many) are far less likely to get screwed by the system. They are always willing to play along to get what they want, and so long as they follow the rules they are normally obliged, irregardless of ethics.