Ok, this whole thread is infested with people's personal and somewhat dubious opinions about love and marriage and divorce which is fine but the bottom line is:
If you truly care about being with your children, you will do whatever it takes to get joint or solitary custody. Including getting a lawyer that will make that happen and paying him what he wants. Moms feel a strong maternal primal desire to make this happen and they reap the results because of it. If dads feel that desire, they will make it happen too.
The thread starter, who is the one that matters here, sounds almost passive about the whole thing. Like oh well, this is what they told me so I guess I have to live with it. That would be up to him, but if he wants better, he has no right to complain if he accepts less. My dad played that martyr card and it has contaminated him to this day. Not that he accepted less than nearly full custody. He just acted like they were never divorced and my mom gave up after awhile. They hang out now together with the grandkids.
As far as deadbeat dads, the are as many stories as there are divorces dads. But the kids should not suffer for mommy and daddy's dysfunctions. Too bad so many mommies and daddies lose all sense and start sniping each other.
In my state, at least in my region, the dads get the kids and the moms pay alimony and child support at least as often as the reverse. My friend's drug using deadbeat, barely employed, semi-mentally ill husband got full custody of his three boys and
she had to pay child support because he had proof she went out partying with her friends while they were separated and divorcing and he paid a cuthroat lawyer. After the boys all quit school and started using drugs themselves and getting in trouble with the law and he became overwhelmed he finally admitted he sought custody out of spite because he knew she wanted the kids.
My friend from another state was the example I gave where the CEO husband quit his high paying job out of spite and went to work at a tire center and collected his paycheck under the table so he wouldn't have to pay child support.
This isn't about kids. It's about idiotic adults. Buncha fawking dysfunctional brats. Science should be able to turn on and off the mating function until you can prove you are mentally mature enough to reproduce.
Jennifer