It can be quite damaging to a relationship, especially used in the wrong way. Anything that's cutting against the person you are talking to is a direct diminishing of closeness, it's only one step down from an all out attack. Even sarcasm directed at someone else has a price, people lose trust in you as they don't feel you will honour them when they aren't there if you aren't honouring someone else. Lastly, sarcasm also stops people getting closer to you. It's a cutting remark that makes them back off, even if just a little, but then the opportunity to get closer to each other is gone.
As for unconsious use, I would say it's a defense mechanism, either to protect you from the sensitivity of a situation or to reflect potential hurt. All defense mechanisms are unconsious, and the only way to break them down is to notice when they activate, and just pay attention to situations where you use sarcasm the most. They will be situations and areas in your life where you might need to grow, break down some old walls or even face some pain from the past.
I'm guilty of being really sarcastic in the past, but I've noticed recently that I've almost stopped completely. It's only when I'm feeling a little down or a little sensitive that it comes back. It wasn't through practice or focussing on my sarcasm, but just being a more open and honest person. I've also managed to separate witty remarks from sarcasm, which means I can have the same humour in my conversation, just without the venomous sting that comes with biting sarcasm.
does this shed some light on it?  |