^ Thank you ofr replying. Yea, it seems like you don't have a strong belief in the just-world fallacy. I did, so for me in my world, you just don't get stuff that you don't deserve and if you got it, you deserved it in some way but usually directly for doing something rather than simply being something. It's not that I have chronic low self-esteem that i don't deserve biggert hings, I just had a belief that siad that to get better things I had to do things to deserve it, such as work or give value, etc. Which, obviously may be prices that I have to pay, but in my mind there was more like a karmic balance.
So its not, "I don't deserve good things." but moe like, "In general, people get waht they deserve." and how they deserve it is through work or hwatever.
I feel a lot more whole now and feel no resistance to when I say I want money, and I've had less resistance to IM in general, too. Let's see where this goes. For example, I got a cheque for 60 bucks from the social government yesterday after intending for some money. Let's see if I can get money in more interesting ways, but its ok if I don't.
Wow, the "why don't I have this already?" question is really powerful for me. It really identifies things which are beliefs, whether they may be thought of as limiting or not.
Thanks again ALG, for everything.