Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

robc · 04-09-2008, 10:26 PM

When you criticize, you’re working at improving your mate. When you complain to your partner, you’re working at improving her. When you argue, you’re working at improving her. When you try to reason with her, you are trying to change/improve her. You are working at changing them. And it’s that working at changing them that is the problem.

The only way to prove the above is to stop doing what you're doing. Stop all of that working, attempting to improve & change her. Just allow and accept her 100%, whatever she thinks, feels, or does is perfectly okay. Don't resist any of what she does or says. You do that you will see them improve themselves. Their argument & negative feelings towards you will fade away because they need something in you to fight with. Sincerely see what’s on their side, sincerely agree with them, lovingly and sincerely go one 100% their way. I'm pretty much certain that doing this will change the situation you're in, there will be nothing for your partner's negative feelings to build on.

When there is no one to argue with, no one to be angry at, you allow for the opposite to flourish: happy, loving, caring, nurturing.

It takes time, there is no overnight cure but it does work.

It requires you to change every pre-conceived notion in your head about how the relationship should work.

It requires you to be strong and take on full responsibility of the relationship but doing this over time will remove that burden from your shoulders and place the load on both of you and it will be much easier to get through anything.

It is very hard to accomplish this, but it isn't impossible. I guess you have to determine if you really want to do this or not. I think you kind of do, I don't think you would have posted on the internet if a part of you didn't want to stay with your partner and work it out. You don't need the approval of strangers on the internet to end your relationship, I think you did want to hear one opinion of what it may take to fix your problems and get back what you once had with your partner.

In the end it's up to you.

04-09-2008, 10:26 PM	#8 (permalink)
robc Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 298	some more stuff to add to my previous post to consider... When you criticize, you’re working at improving your mate. When you complain to your partner, you’re working at improving her. When you argue, you’re working at improving her. When you try to reason with her, you are trying to change/improve her. You are working at changing them. And it’s that working at changing them that is the problem. The only way to prove the above is to stop doing what you're doing. Stop all of that working, attempting to improve & change her. Just allow and accept her 100%, whatever she thinks, feels, or does is perfectly okay. Don't resist any of what she does or says. You do that you will see them improve themselves. Their argument & negative feelings towards you will fade away because they need something in you to fight with. Sincerely see what’s on their side, sincerely agree with them, lovingly and sincerely go one 100% their way. I'm pretty much certain that doing this will change the situation you're in, there will be nothing for your partner's negative feelings to build on. When there is no one to argue with, no one to be angry at, you allow for the opposite to flourish: happy, loving, caring, nurturing. It takes time, there is no overnight cure but it does work. It requires you to change every pre-conceived notion in your head about how the relationship should work. It requires you to be strong and take on full responsibility of the relationship but doing this over time will remove that burden from your shoulders and place the load on both of you and it will be much easier to get through anything. It is very hard to accomplish this, but it isn't impossible. I guess you have to determine if you really want to do this or not. I think you kind of do, I don't think you would have posted on the internet if a part of you didn't want to stay with your partner and work it out. You don't need the approval of strangers on the internet to end your relationship, I think you did want to hear one opinion of what it may take to fix your problems and get back what you once had with your partner. In the end it's up to you.