[Andrei]

I have had very double experiences with Castaneda. I started reading his books less than a year after a psychosis in 1998. During my psychosis I thought I needed to become the Devil. I'll write more about this in another post. Clear to say though the books in Castaneda refired my belief in the Devil, because of the dark nature in these books. I doubted these books would lead me to the dark path, because of its ambiguous matter. They didn't make me feel good at all. Yet I kept on reading them because they seemed to hold the answers I was searching for since a long time.

They frightened me and they fascinated me at the same time.

There is one passage which burned in my mind. It's the passage in the first book about the main challenges for a sorcerer. The first one is fear, which if you conquer gets you a clarity of vision, this becomes your enemy and when you conquer this you learn this is only a point in front of your eyes and you get real power. When this power is conquered you learn this power is not really your own and then there is the last enemy which is oldage, which means resting and forgetting. I held this as a main sketch on how to act in my life, it drove me crazy sometimes.

I couldn't handle them the moment I read them. It was certainly to early for me. The sorcerers way was way to demanding for me, it seemed to hold no relaxation but constant struggle. It is very very demanding, and to Don Juan it was the only way. I constantly felt I couldn't answer to what was needed. I still have this feeling.

They have thought me a lot, but they brought a lot of restlessness in my life. They are incredibly vague and yet incredibly clear at the same time.

These are books for people that feel strong enough to handle them. If you encounter them at the wrong moment they can make you crazy, as simple as that.

I remember the ending of "the art of dreaming" - very dark indeed, Castaneda by being stupid has killed someone or let her "disappear". To me it stays very questionable. Ambiguous.

People think I'm a bit weird and strange sometimes, these books haven't helped me to act relaxed and just being me most of the times, yet in some passages they helped me to get a "hyper-passage" into being myself. I still can't explain. That's why this thread interests me endlessly.