[robc]

However, most guys don't want to be alone with themselves. They want a girlfriend or wife, some kind of relationship with the opposite sex.

If sheer volume were any indication of quality, then this tip would surely be in the Hall of Fame, "Just Be Yourself!" Unfortunately, volume is no indication of quality when it comes to relationship advice.

In fact, much of the time it's just the opposite. "Just Be Yourself" is not a great tip if you want to be in a relationship with a woman.

Think about it, challenge your existing thoughts on this topic. Isn't "Just be yourself" a counter-productive tip, here are a few reasons why:

Just be yourself is most likely the advice you would receive from someone who has no clue about how women, dating, and relationships work.

It doesn't matter if that person is male or female, young or old, single or married -- it's the stock relationship answer when one doesn't know or can't think of anything else to say... but doesn't want to seem as clueless as he/she actually is.

Ask your buddy what women want, or your mother, or your minister, or Doctor/teacher, etc. It's the same advice you hear from alot of people yet is it really that successful considering how hard alot of men find it to get into a relationship with the kind of women they would want to be with?

The truth is, it's not the correct answer or tip because like most men, we don't have a clue about that women want.

But people have to say something, right? And besides, they've been hearing "Just be yourself" for their entire lives so it must be the right answer. How could something be so prevalent and still be wrong? (similar to the world is flat theory)

Just be yourself has a benefit in that it allows the advice-giver to feel a sense of superiority/feel smug. I think we're (we're as in men, and yes I'm generalizing, if I'm wrong just say so, you won't hurt my feelings) made to believe that if we're seeking relationship advice in the first place, it's somehow indicative of lower intelligence or underdeveloped social skills.

I think it's also fair to assume that alot of people like to feel smug.

Take the "Just be yourself" tip a little further from the advice giver, press them a little, ask for more details. Tell them that you've been "just being yourself" your entire life and it's pretty much gotten you nowhere at all with women. What about that?

If you get a response, it's a pre-packaged one, "You just have to be patient and eventually you'll meet someone who's right for you." And here is my personal favorite... "And if it doesn't work out between you and her, then it wasn't meant to be." - That last line is crap, the relationship doesn't fail, the people inside the relationship fail and it's usually because people are unwilling to change themselves and are more focused on changing the other person.

Just Be yourself. Have Patience/Faith. That's about the extent of the advice you're likely to receive.

How successful has anyone really been by just being themselves when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex?

How does this advice help the person who's been struggling with women his whole life? A person who goes on one date every 6 months (if he's lucky) and never gets a second date? A person who's lonely, depressed, unhappy? A person who's obviously doing something wrong but has no idea what it might be? But hey, at least he's "just being himself"!

As an experiment, put the "just be yourself" advice on the side for the moment and take control and actively create the life you want.

You need to learn the mistakes you've been making in the past and how to correct this for the future, change your attitude, behavior & thoughts and this will enable you (any man) to find/attract and keep the woman he wants.

This is useful advice so forget about "just be yourself", it doesn't work. Another reason why it doesn't work, it gives you an EXCUSE for not doing anything - "just be yourself" and it will all fall magically into your lap. Which is great because we all need another excuse to do only what we want to do (which is usually passive & ineffective and comfortable).

Another excuse to sit on the couch, watch the tube, drink some beer, eat chips. Hey that's "just be yourself" and the women will all come running after you because they just love that.

I think it's safe to say that being successful with attracting the opposite sex and in relationships is not about "just being yourself". It's also not about pretending to be someone you're not.

So we've eliminated what it isn't about. So what is it about? It's about becoming the person that you want to be, it's about self-improvement (ie. steve's website, steve definitely doesn't preach "just be yourself") and reaching your full potential. It's about feeling good, being happy, and learning new things, it's about improving all areas of your life and attracting the things you want into your life by doing the things that place you in alignment with your goals. Doing these things will dramatically improve your social life.

Some people will think that the whole idea of "learning" how to act around women is ridiculous and try to make you feel bad for thinking about doing that. These same people also preach "just be yourself" and try to convince the you that you don't need "tricks/gimmicks" to do well with women.

I bet you alot of these so people preaching "just be yourself" would also hide in the corner when out at a club instead of trying to appear interesting and start a conversation with a woman at the bar. Those friends/people who promote "just be yourself" probably spend most of their time surfing the net or playing computer games. Probably these same people would also insist that you should buy be "friends" first with a girl you're attracted to or take her to the most expensive restaurant in town on your first date and also tell her you love her (on the first date), etc.

I'm sorry but when I hear people say things like "just be yourself", I know that these people don't have a clue, but they do have the audacity to preach "just be yourself" to those who are trying to improve themselves and understand what really works.

If you're on this site right now, you should know that "just be yourself" doesn't work. This site is about personal development for smart people and part of that is letting go of old ideas and learning & doing new things and improving who you are and what you know.

Just be yourself doesn't work, it's time for people to learn this and change and not only to do this to get a date and get into a relationship but for personal growth - accepting this new truth will dramatically improve your life.

Stop being lazy! Being good with women is about self-improvement, letting go of old ideas and embracing new ideas and new ways of doing things. Self-improvement often requires alot of effort & work. A lot of reading, implementing and practicing.

This takes time and effort. Steve even mentions that on his site, personal development for smart people is hard work but you get what you put into it. If you want improvement in your life put some effort into it.

Do you think that Michael Jordan became one of the greatest basketball players in history by "just being himself"? He busted his ass, trained harder than anyone else and learned more about himself, the game & other players to become the best player he could possibly be!

Here's another thing to consider... do you think women subscribe to "just be yourself"? Think about it, they spend hours working on their hair, their makeup, their skin, and everything else imaginable before going out. They spend a ton of money on clothes, shoes, accessories, diet pills, and anything else they can find to make themselves more attractive. Look at all the magazines catered to women trying to improve themselve, trying to attract new mates, improving their relationships, etc. Look at the covers and see what they're telling women and what women are learning to do.

Something men don't understand (and maybe you will understand after reading this) is that women have been studying men since they were old enough to read. They're having slumber parties, giggling, and professing the merits of playing hard to get, not returning phone calls, flirting strategies, not looking desperate, body language, etc.

Women are experts and I will say superior at learning this game and how to play it.

And men (yes I'm generalizing, some men do have a clue about this), we're busy "just being ourselves". While we're doing this, women are researching, studying, and practicing.

Is it any wonder that in most relationships the woman is in complete control?

Is it any wonder that when guys do occasionally get a date, they make complete fools of themselves? Just being yourself is the reason why men have so much trouble with women. I think being clueless in this area is normal for men.

However, this can change, change is very possible. The only limiting factor in this situation is yourself and what you are willing to do to change. Another thing to think of, you're on this site for personal development in some area of your life because "just being yourself" isn't cutting it.