It sounded from your post like you were really torn between whether to leave or not at various times. So I wasn't sure if you were definitely sure your decision was final. I also thought the discussion of the "power struggle" phase in my post might make you consider some things about the situation in a new light.
If you're really sure you want to leave, then I suppose it comes down simply to an issue of communication - literally how to inform her. I doubt there is any way to do it painlessly. The best advice I'd have on that is to focus on expressing your feelings and needs and on listening to her feelings and needs. When I say that, I mean literally focus on just expressing your emotions, for example "I feel uncomfortable in the relationship because I really need X, Y and Z, and at the same time I feel really sad about it." Let her express her feelings and needs too and show that you do care about them.
One other thing I'd say is that I know in breakups for me, the hardest thing has been how it can make you question your self-esteem. So if there is a way you can really make sure she understands that it isn't about her worth as a person, without sounding phony or patronizing about it, that might help reduce some of the pain. She is going to probably wonder why you'd leave her if she was "good enough." If you can possibly separate your leaving from her self-worth for her, it might save her a little grief.
Hope some of this helps. If you have any more questions, feel free.
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