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Originally Posted by Plato  Well, I would argue that there is plenty of opportunity out there to meet great women. I mean, seriously, women are everywhere. I think what you are talking about is actually a situation where it's a gentle progression that makes it easy for you to open up to somebody? Whilst other people are making fun of each other, you want to be taking things really gently and easily- having polite, honest conversation? I totally get that by the way. |
you somewhat get what I mean. Ultimately I don't think relationships should be as difficult or confusing as they are. They are supposed to be about two people supporting one another unconditionally in life's endeavors that truly are (and should be) difficult. As far as I'm concerned, this forum (s+r) should not exist and the fact that it does is just another sign of the sickness of our times. All the creative energy that people put into relationships could be going to more important matters, making the world a better place. I'm aware this is something of a "head in the clouds" ideal that obviously doesn't line up with the world we live in, and it's better to accept reality for what it is. That doesn't mean you cannot prefer it different. I accept this reality, but I don't lie to myself that I like it. I don't.
For the "12-15/training wheels" analogy, I don't know if I agree entirely, but assuming you are right, perhaps by age 15 is when we should be "partnered up" for life, given to the more natural order of things. By extending this process we extend our childhoods (as our wealthy society is fond of doing) and "devolve" into these bizzare mating games that are so commonplace. We may look around and think "well yea, that's how it is" and it may seem perfectly natural to some people. Not myself. Which again isn't to say it's not real and shouldn't be accepted, but it is not "right" in my mind, and that is a hard thing to really quantify to somebody who doesn't themselves also feel it is not "right". It is a deeper, intuitive feeling. Of course this is just my interpretations, what I call "devolution" you seem to be calling "maturity" or "abundance". I'm not claiming one to be more right than the other, as I don't know. But I know what I think/feel. As always, it's subject to one day change. I have to say though, I seriously question your idea of "maturity" which to me sounds very perverse, the opposite of maturity.
And finally, to your thought that there is "plenty of opportunity to meet a great woman" I both agree and disagree. Well to be more direct I agree. There is plenty of opportunity. But it's not going to come to you, you need to go meet "it" and that takes work and dedication, and I'm not so sure it's worth it, or even realistic. Especially when you consider your 12-15/training wheel analogy again, to which I suppose I would be the kind of person who "missed out" those formative years and now must do the "extra work" to catch up. Incidentally this process is far worse a road block for men than women, as we are the expected initiators. We are expected to put ourselves on the line where women not so much. Not going to say this is right or wrong but from this perspective I think it's easy to see where a subtle kind of misogyny might develop amongst shy guys.
But to get back on topic, at age 25 my clock is starting to tick, and like Jamie I have resigned myself somewhat to the idea of not having a relationship, or rather not giving it much thought. Unlike he claims however, I can't seem to let go of the idea so easily and focus on other things, but I do have other ways I'd like to channel my "passion" if you will, primarily though art, which has become my life's purpose. Any relationship I end up with will be a side effect of doing this, and not actively seeking out a woman. To illustrate what I mean, I may one day try to go get rejected by multitudes of woman, but it would only be as an experiment in learning about reality, something I feel is part of the duty of being an artist. Of course I would only undertake such an experiment if I felt it could somehow serve my art. Otherwise, there is no point. Ultimately, the idea of finding a relationship with a woman has been filtered out of my concerns for this life, largely as a matter of practicality. If it happens it happens, if not it doesn't, I'm cool either way. I save my "caring energy" for my true purpose, and that is my art.